Monday, November 23, 2009

Remember that “Family Guy” deal with Windows 7?

Remember how Microsoft was going to sponsor this show on Fox, then once they found out what they were sponsoring, they pulled the plug?  Maybe they didn’t pull that plug after says CrunchGear.Untitled

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Windows 7 dominoes fail

Classic Microsoft. They put 22 people in India on the job of arranging 7,000 dominoes into a Windows 7 pattern. Check out what happens at 1:25 into the video. Little hint: It’s the same thing that will probably happen when you run Windows 7 itself.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Jesus wept

Windows 7 illegal download party

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Oh. My. God.

This is how the Borg does marketing. A seven-burger Whopper promo at Burger King in Japan. Much love to the many readers who have alerted us to this. But is this for real? Even the Borg couldn’t be that bad at marketing, could they?

On the other hand, it’s kinda sorta poetically perfect isn’t it? I mean as a visual image of what Windows is — a big giant pile of grease and fat, served up cheap.

Middle East kids make demands known

It ain’t a low-cost desktop-laptop-netbook combo from HP. Sorry.

Win7 reax: Middle East erupts in violence

What can I tell you? The kids want Macs. And really, who can blame them.

Oct. 22, 2009: A day of global mourning

Do you feel it in the air? That heaviness and oppression? The smell of sulfur? Yes, dear readers, the Beast of Redmond is unleashing yet another tangled mess of hell-spawned code into the world. We know it is evil. You know it. I know it. But millions do not. Millions, in fact, will race out to obtain this evil, and will pay for the privilege of making their horrible lives just a tiny bit more horrible. I weep for those people. I pray for their souls. I just woke up from a terrible dream, one in which I’m hanging from a cross and Bill Gates is on the cross next to me. I tell him I know why he’s here, but why am I? He says, Because you copied all my good ideas. That’s when I woke up — screaming.

This happens to me every time they roll out a new version of Windows. It can’t be helped. I cannot even get out of bed this morning. Breezeann just came in and asked me if I want a smoothie. I told her maybe later. For now I’m just lying here, staring up at the ceiling. No doubt it will be all over the news. Every station. Every newspaper. Every blog. Good grief.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Coming from the Borg tomorrow: 20 million units pre-ordered, and $1,199 for HP desktop-laptop-netbook combo

Moshe has set up a command center in a suite at the Marriott Marquis (we get a discount) and is already getting G2 back from our operatives embedded in the Microsoft event team in New York. A huge namaste to these brave folks who have endured the horror of walking among the Borgtards and pretending to be one of them. Thanks to these folks, we’re able to gruber some information for you in advance about what the Borg will announce tomorrow:

They’ve already pre-sold 20 million units of Windows 7, in advance of the launch.

Best Buy and HP are going to announce a Win7 promo package: a desktop PC and monitor, a laptop, a netbook and a router — for $1,199. Yes, that’s exactly what our least-expensive iMac costs, all by itself. Sigh.

UPDATE: Moshe now hears chatter from Borgtards that the 20 million pre-sold figure has become “non-operative.” The number was scrubbed from the draft of a speech in rehearsal, but may get put back in depending on how many copies the Borg can shove into the channel in the next 12 hours, or how far their resellers are willing to go in terms of exaggerating the number of orders they’ve received. More as this develops.

Pogue on Win7: It’s not from Apple, but it’s not bad, kinda cool, sorta, whatever, blah blah bla

So, okay, that’s not exactly what he says. But it’s not exactly a rave, either. We’ve condensed it to a summary for you.

Read the full review if you must. If you’re pressed for time, the miniature version goes like this:

It’s not Vista. It’s faster. It nags you less.

Upgrading from XP sucks.

Too many different versions.

Lots of stuff stripped out, even email.

However: it’s “mostly great news,” and “there are some slick, efficient new features for managing windows.”

Taskbar good. Libraries good. Compatibility good. Plug in camera or printer, they probably will work.

Borg not need be embarrassed no more. Except when someone puts their stuff next to Apple stuff. Then, sucks to be working for Borg.

Pogue out.