Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Smoking hot Sarah Lacy has a smoking hot book ranked #1 on Amazon

See here. Sarah’s book about Web 2.0 is ranked #1 among “company profile” books and #289 among all books on Amazon. Pretty incredible, though Katie informs me that the Amazon numbers can be misleading, in that a relatively small number of orders — like less than 50 — can give a book a big pop if they all come in at once. Anyway, I’m delighted to see Sarah having such great success. Much love, Sarah Lacy. And don’t pay any attention to the haters, like this assmonkey who says: “i have read pre-release sections of this book. this is a promotional vehicle for a cadre of mostly unimportant serial self-promoters (including the author), and a few “somebodies” who you can already learn too much about somewhere else. if you need a reason to hate the small group of wannabe-celebrities who form the “web2″ echo chamber, then this book has a purpose.”

You know what I never understand? It’s people who turn into big haters on someone’s book. Books are hard work. Most people don’t make a lot of money on them. All books are flawed. A few are great; the vast majority are average; a few truly suck. I have no idea which category Sarah’s book falls into and I don’t really care. I’m not going to read it. Ever. But it’s a big deal in Sarah’s life. So why not be happy for her?

FWIW, I’m not being paid to say this stuff. But I do have a massive crush on Sarah Lacy — the photo above is the screensaver on my iPhone — and I’m hoping to get her into the Jobs Pod and hypnotize her. Now that Bike Helmet Girl has moved to Washington, D.C., and Veronica Belmont has assured me, repeatedly, that she will not leave Ryan Block and is immune to hypnosis, well, Sarah Lacy has now moved into the #1 spot on the Jobso Dream Team. Look into my hypnotic eyes, Sarah Lacy. Listen to the sexy sounds of the Barry White music I’m playing in the background. Feel yourself growing sleepy. That’s it. Give in to your feelings–

Oh shit. Katie just walked in. Gotta go. Peace out.

We are so friggin gay it’s not funny

According to Ars Technica, a gay Internet portal called PlanetOut says Apple is as “gay friendly” as it is humanly possible to be. The only brand that’s more gay than Apple is the Bravo cable network, which produces loads of gay-type programs. As regular readers know, this whole gay thing has been at the very top of my agenda for a long, long time. Like when I pushed Disney to make our Fairy Tale Wedding package available to same-sex couples. We’ve worked really hard at Apple, too, and we owe a huge debt of gratitude to guys like Ron Johnson (photo above, in wig and sunglasses, at last year’s Pride event in San Francisco) who did the hard work of getting out on the street and reaching out to gays with flyers and other materials explaining Apple’s support of LGBT issues.

What can I tell you? I’m so proud of this company right now. So proud. I’m going to call Jony and tell him about it and see if he wants to go for a walk together and maybe have a smoothie with me.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Hookers! Spotted by Google Street View. How awesome is this?

Check out this great photo from an address on San Pablo Avenue in Oakland. Dear reader Faddah spotted it on this blog. Supposedly a guy was doing some house hunting in Oakland and came across this picture. Not sure if he considered the availability of fresh ladies to be a plus or minus in terms of location. Anyone know if this is for real?

Will you filthy hacks please leave me alone? Please?

Dan Frommer of Alley Insider gets a big scoop about how I didn’t spend much money on plane travel in the last quarter. Good grief. Now the freaks and fanboys are scouring our SEC filings to find out how much money I’m spending on my plane? What’s next? You want to know what brand of peanuts they serve during the flight? I know one good way you could find that out, Frommer. And yeah, you know exactly what I’m suggesting.

President of Mozilla Europe gives a shout-out to Fake Steve

Go to this BBC story and check out the video clip. Or you can go straight to the video clip here. Tristan Nitot demonstrates some of the new features of the Firefox browser, including an “awesome bar” which provides the ability to find Fake Steve Jobs more easily. Much love, Tristan. It pains me to say this, but your browser truly rocks. Much love to dear reader James who alerted us to this clip.

Bill O’Reilly needs a Mac

Maybe you’ve seen this already but if not, please enjoy an old clip of world-class asshole Bill O’Reilly going nuts on a TV set. Namaste, Bill O’Reilly. I honor the place where your lunacy and my pageviews become one.

Another "Hillary in the House" video. Groan.

Who the fuck is this guy and can someone please stop him?

Monday, May 12, 2008

Truly I am the king of all media

Much love to the good folks at Alley Insider for pointing out the incredible power I now wield in the music industry — indeed, in all media. See their post here. Basically they’re pointing out that I’ve now made huge stars out of an unknown British band, the Ting Tings, by using one of their songs in our new ads.

And in case you want to see the Ting Tings live, go here. In case you want to see Ting Tong instead of the Ting Tings, go here.

Hillary in the House


Frigtard steals Mac, gets busted by its remote access feature

Much love to the many readers who sent in clips to this fine article which tells the story of a clever Apple retail employee who recovered his stolen Mac laptop by turning on its remote access feature and using it to snap a photo of the dumb bastard who stole it. Sweet.