Friday, March 12, 2010

Snip The Ponytail Off Contest – Update

Well let’s see how many entries we have for our little contest. This can’t be right. NONE? ZERO? ZIPPITY-DO-DAH?

What the fuck? Yeah, I spelled it out. I offer a legit fun contest and nobody has entered yet? It’s like twelve days. Someone at least give me a progress report.

Here’s the link for the rules again.

Send entries to Firstrabidfanboy at (I wrote it out so I do not get spammed by the scummy web crawling robots looking for e-mail addresses, okay?) Anyone can enter, even My Little Pony and his family. Hoggworks, you should be able to do this in your sleep!


I'm showing my back to no one because of you. Not even my children. Or my wife. They bought scissors. Scissors. And a Flip video camera HD, Damn you.! Are you proud of yourself, lasteggman or whatever you call yourself? I live in fear. I live in fear. And I'll explain that in my next blogpost. Or not. What was that? I hear steel. Steel shears! I hate you!! I hate you!!!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Now unemployed, My Little Pony decides to dish

Jonathan Schwartz has lots of free time on his hands since he got promoted out of Sun after the Oracle takeover. So what’s he doing? Blogging, of course, with a blog titled, “What I Couldn’t Say,” which I guess means he’s now going to tell us all the stuff he couldn’t tell us when he was CEO of Sun and writing a CEO blog. But wait. Wasn’t the whole point of that CEO blog to be completely open and transparent? Only now we find out he was — gasp — holding out on us? Well, as they say in court shows on TV, can you really trust the word of an admitted liar?

Of course not. But anyway I’m sure some people will accept as fact Jonathan’s made-up story about me calling him and threatening to sue Sun over some user interface they were working on but never actually delivered. (In other words, a typical Sun project.) The truth is, I have no recollection of this conversation with Jonathan. None. It simply never happened. But hey, it’s a great story.

And I’m sure people will bring it up when they’re discussing our lawsuit against HTC, and they’ll try to paint us as a bunch of bad guys in suits who go around threatening people and bullying smaller rivals. A child could tell you that’s not true, just by looking at our ads. We’re the good guys. Listen to that happy music. See the happy, smiling people. That’s who we are. That’s what we’re all about.

So shut the fuck up, Jonathan Schwartz, or I swear to God I will sue your skinny ass for libel.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Scoble top choice for MLP replacement

That’s the current verdict of our poll (right). Please vote early and vote often. Scoble needs a gig.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Five from Katie

Chief resignation,
not at all unexpected,
wuz LOL tweet.

Next: run for office?
Bask in golden parachute?
Or drive zamboni

CEO blogging
When he should have been logging
More profits in books.

My Little Pony
Sat on his mo-ney,
Leading his corp astray;
Along came The Larry
Who’s a little bit scary
And drove My Little Pony away.

rewritten as:

My Little Pony
Sat on his mo-ney,
Leading his corp astray;
Along came The Larry
Who was dressed like a fairy
And said, “Get the fuck away.”

MLP haikus

Announcing the My Little Pony Memorial Poetry Contest

In honor of Jonathan Schwartz, and in the spirit of peaceful haiku poetry by which he has informed the people of earth of his resignation, we are doing what any loving, supportive fan base does at a time like this — we’re having a poetry contest.

Can be in any form you want. Haiku, clerihew, limerick, sonnet, free verse. Only rule is the subject of the poem must be MLP or Sun.

You can use the comment section here, or send via email. Iulia and Natasha will select a few finalists, and I’ll pick the one I like best.

Winner gets a free fake iPad.

You may pick up your pencils. And … begin.

My Little Pony: A look back

As longtime readers know, we’ve had a lot of fun with My Little Pony over the years, including the posting of the video above, which was created by one of our readers and is just plain fucking wrong.

Truth is, we’re going to miss MLP. He’s been one of the blog’s best recurring characters, right up there with Bike Helmet Girl, Uncle Fester, Beastmaster Bill and Goatberg. What a lot of people don’t know is that Jonathan’s blog was kind of the inspiration for this blog. That’s true. I was so inspired by what he was doing that I decided another CEO should do a blog, too.

In honor of Jonathan, I’ve asked Iulia and Natasha, our interns in Krasnodar, to dig up some of our past items on the Pony Boy. They’ve come up with some great ones, including one where we wonder how long Jonathan can keep blaming the economy when everybody else around him, like IBM, HP, Oracle, Microsoft, Apple, Google, etc., are doing okay:

That crazy old economy can be so selective sometimes.

Then some others:

It’s official: My Little Pony has lost his mind.

Schwartz lectures Tony Blair on blogging.

My Little Pony calls, stomping his hooves.

Not so fast, My Little Pony.

Watch out, HP and IBM — Sun is about to unleash a new slogan.

And finally, the one that may be best of all:

It’s official: Java now worth zero.

The last link contains this prescient gem:

“I’m sorry but I gotta say this. For those of us in the Valley who once admired Sun, it is just terribly sad to see this once-great company lurching around in a death spiral with this mad phony hippie at the controls. Say what you will about Scooter — and God knows I’ve said a lot — but at least he would have gone down fighting. Heck, even Palmisano at IBM has had the good sense to sell off the pieces of his company rather than just give them away.”

My Little Pony offers resignation in haiku via Twitter

Dear Lord. Pony Boy, you are the gift that keeps on giving, aren’t you? First you provided everyone in the Valley with years of entertainment as you steered a once-great publicly traded company into the weeds. Changing the ticker symbol to JAVA. Open-sourcing everything you could lay your hands on. And now this. A resignation, in haiku, over Twitter. Does it get any better? Can it possibly?

The answer is, yes it can. Because now Jonathan Schwartz has sparked a new meme in the Valley — tribute haikus.

Like this one by Jon Ive:

too busy blogging
lose billions on open source
CEO no more

And this one by Phil Schiller:

glossy ponytail
pretending to be open
freak flag snagged by truth

And this one by Larry Ellison:

pony recommends
cut all useless employees.
good idea. bye.

Monday, May 19, 2008

`And now I simply set the time machine for 1999, and boom — we’re growing again!’

This appears to be Sun’s new business plan. Which is why the buyout talk is starting up again.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Seattle insurance company spoofing My Little Pony

See a story explaining the whole thing here. Some Seattle insurance company is running a series of ads showing local “types” and one of them is the so-called “Ponytailed Software Geek.” Oddly enough the geek happens to look a lot like a certain Silicon Valley CEO who likes to hang out and schmooze with freetards.