Friday, December 4, 2009

Free Dumb of Choice

Sigh. Larry Dignan is doing one of those “10 Things Linux Has That Windows Should Use” articles which he’ll follow up with “10 Things Windows Has That Linux Should Do”. Do people get paid to write such drivel? Really? Cos I don’t, and I can drivel along with the best of ’em.

This comparison thing anyway reminds me of thirty years ago, when I was a just getting started in life and had the great fortune to meet and talk with one of my literary heroes,

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. Man, did he smoke a lot! A big bear of a man with a shaggy brillo head of hair , a craggy but friendly voice and an aura of nicotine haze. I was a neophyte smoker, myself. He liked Pall Malls.

I was into Rothmans

(the English kind, not that Canadian rubbish.) Anyway, I don’t smoke any more. Found out I like breathing and tasting and smelling better than inhaling fire and tobacco fumes and carrying this continuous odor not unlike the bottom of an ashtray in a hooker’s lounge. I just carry around the cigs for effect now.

So, I met Kurt Vonnegut and talked with him. And he talked about this writers conference he went to, where he met Commie writers from the Soviet Union, and they talked and shared stuff about what was so great and what was not so great about each other’s countries. And that kinda’ stuck with me.¬† The commies wanted to change things so everybody had a job, enough food to eat, enough clothes, a roof over their head and free healthcare. We wanted to change things so everyone can say, write and create anything they want without fear of being persecuted by the government, shot by the police or frightened into silence and the freedom to choose what to do with their lives.

And here we are today – we have the freedom to choose Windows or Linux (or Apple) but nobody’s ever really satisfied – and critics are always forever pointing out how x could be better if it did things like y and maybe also a little like z, too for good measure.

For a long time, if you were smart enough, you rolled your own and tinkered with it until everything was the way you liked it. You can still do that with Linux, and if you’re an uber-geek, you can go under the hood of OS X, and monkey with that – to a degree. But most people don’t want that kind of freedom because it is too much work. They wanna’ turn the damn box on once and let everything work intuitively magically without any thought. A lot of people have made a lot of money and got very very powerful playing on that willingness of others to give up certain freedoms.

I do find it interesting that an awful lot of neophytes are jumping into the developer’s market for the iPhone, and surprisingly, Android, too – designing apps for fun or trying to make a quick buck – people who before never so much as written a BASIC¬† program or got past algebra 101 but are now getting excited and learning to get their feet wet.

But, anyway, Chrome OS is going to make using computers even easier for everyone – they’ll be reduced to being mere internet devices, as everything will be done in the cloud within the browser, with the most successful apps being the easiest most non-thinking ones that get desired results. And eventually most everyone will quite freely choose Chrome devices and happily keep making more unthinking choices.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Wal-Mart yanks Linux PC, cites lack of childlike wonder

See this story in InformationWeek (the #1 source for tech news of all kinds) saying that even the cheap dumb fucks who buy computers at Wal-Mart have enough of a clue to avoid the gPC machine from Everex. Naturally the freetard writing the article says he can’t understand why this has happened, though he concedes that (a) the gPC runs gOS which won’t run Windows apps and Wal-Tards might get the thing home and find that out and be a bit disappointed and return it; and (b) the gPC machine shipped without a monitor, which apparently confuses Wal-Tards who get home and turn it on and then call tech support asking why can’t they see anything; and (c) the gPC machine mostly shipped with Web apps, but those require a high-speed Internet connection and, um, the cheapskate n00bs and Wal-Tards who are drawn to a $200 computer don’t generally spend $50 a month on cable modem or DSL service and they generally haven’t heard of “cloud computing” and the “Google-centric computing experience.” Guess nobody thought of that.

Nonetheless freetard hack boy says, “I don’t think this is the end of the road for retail Linux PCs — not by a long shot,” though he concedes that “selling Linux to the masses is going to require more than just a low price tag — since, when you get down to it, Linux already has that.”

Um, yeah. Put it this way. When you’re giving something away free, and people still don’t want it, and in fact would rather spend money on something else, you’ve got a problem.

Nonetheless, I expect that soon the extreme freetards at Groklaw will suggest a Microsoft conspiracy. Like, um, after doing some heavy-duty investigative work it turns out that some mid-level executive who joined Wal-Mart last month is the same guy who back in the 1980s worked at an investment bank that managed money for a prince from Saudi Arabia and strangely enough records show that in 2003 Bill Gates visited Saudi Arabia and met with a cousin of that very same prince and they talked about creating a company to bring more tech to the Middle East. Pretty easy to connect the dots, right? Soon, Steven J. Vaughan-Cut-and-Paste of eWeek will pick up the meme and after repeating it once or twice will shorten it to “the well-known close ties between Microsoft and Wal-Mart, which led to Wal-Mart removing all Linux machines from its stores.”

Or maybe the Wal-Tards just didn’t want to buy them. Nah. Couldn’t be.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Freetard attacks Torvalds, defends OS X

See here. Noted freetard Matt Asay says Linus was out of his mind when he said recently that OS X was “utter crap” compared to Linux. Money quote: “I guess when you’re famous you can say inane things and get away with it. Yes, Linux does some things better than Mac OS X and Microsoft’s Windows Vista on the desktop (security, maybe), but let’s be honest: the Linux desktop is ‘utter crap’ compared to either OS X or Windows when it comes to the thing that matters most: usability. If normal people can’t use it, it just doesn’t matter how beautifully architected it is. Sorry, Linus. Everyone has to be wrong sometimes. This is your turn to shine.”

Much love, Matt Asay. Prepare to be called a shill by your fellow freetards.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Freetard Myth #237: Linux is safer

Erm, see here. The Ubuntards just found out their servers have been pwned by bad guys and were being used to attack other machines. Attacks came from China. No doubt a Microsoft scheme.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Freetards in deep denial

Well Fortune is getting loads of mileage out of its cover story on the Beastmaster making headway in China by slashing the price of Windows to three bucks. But the best part of the fallout comes from freetards, who first said the story wasn’t true and that Linux still rules in China (ahem). Then they said, well, maybe it is true that Windows is winning, but if so this means that really Linux has “won” because it has forced Microsoft to lower its prices. Now they’ve moved on to story #3, which says Fortune is right and Windows is winning in China but this is only because Microsoft cheats. See here where some Linux bootlicker (shurely “independent, objective, trustworthy journalist”? Ed.) says the only reason Windows is winning in China is because Microsoft lets people pirate it and/or charges a mere three bucks for Windows and Office.

Freetard fails to notice the huge hole in his argument which is that — imagine Sam Kinison screaming now — fucking Linux is fucking free you fucking idiot! Linux is even cheaper than Windows. You can have it and all the other freetard apps that go with it for zero dollars, which is approximately three bucks less than what Microsoft charges. So, given the choice of a free software system or one that costs three bucks, the Chinese are choosing the one that costs three bucks. It’s not cheating. It’s called competition. The Chinese put the two products side by side and decided that if cost isn’t an issue, Windows is better.

Freetard the Bootlicker says Microsoft is “dumping products on the market at far below cost.” Um, is that not exactly what Linux vendors have been doing? Enabled by rich subsidies from IBM and other hardware players? And has it not occurred to you that the reason IBM pumped one billion dollars (visualize pinkie in corner of Palmisano’s mouth) into Linux was precisely so that it could force Microsoft to cut prices on Windows and thereby choke off Microsoft’s oxygen supply? Think, jackass. Why is it okay for IBM and its Linux puppets to give software away free but not Microsoft? And why do you care anyway? What difference does it make to you what OS some people in China use? Why does this bother you? Why do you filthy hacks come so unhinged when it comes to Linux? Why are you so emotionally wrapped up in the fortunes of some weird bit of software?

Don’t get me wrong. I have no love for the Borg. And I’m a big fan of open source software and we use a lot of it at Apple (wrapped up in our own proprietary code and sold for big money, of course — thanks, suckas!) But I’m sick of hearing freetards tell me how my stuff sucks compared to theirs. It’s been going on for years and it’s just not true. It’s like Yugo claiming to be superior to Mercedes. It’s ridiculous. Our stuff is way, way better than yours. That’s not an opinion. It’s a fact. That’s why people pay so much for our software. And when it comes to Microsoft v. Linux, you freetards need to take a long, hard look at yourselves.

For the record, the real reason Microsoft got a foothold in China is that they invested in the country. They built research labs, hired Chinese people, helped the Chinese build an ecosystem of third-party software companies. And before you go crying about that being “unfair,” take note — it’s exactly what IBM has done in BRIC and elsewhere, building labs to push Linux. Microsoft is just keeping up with Big Brother.

Freetards, face facts. You’ve lost. You’ve had sixteen years to try and build a desktop operating system, and you still can’t get your shit together. Nobody wants your software. It’s not Microsoft’s fault. It’s yours. Because trust me, if you truly developed a kick-ass OS with tens of thousands of drivers and easy installation and reliable performance, you’d be winning. But you’re not. Firefox caught on, right? Why? Because it rocked.

Desktop Linux, however, is a different story, and in your heart of hearts you know this. It’s a bad imitation of Windows and can’t even come close to OS X. Want more proof? India rejected the XO machine. Hardly anybody else is placing orders for Negroponte’s miracle laptop, despite the low, low price of only one hundred dollars. Now the Chinese don’t want Linux. They’re not buying into your crazy crusade. Sorry. And you guys are starting to sound like the world’s biggeest whiners, constantly blaming everyone around you for your own failures. You’re the John Kerry of software.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Schmidt digs in against FSF threat

To quote John Kerry: “Bring it on.”

Schmidt to freetards: "All your Linux are belong to us."

Just got a call from Squirrel Boy saying he’s not at all in a panic and in fact he has told Moglen to shove his threats up his big fat ass. “Same goes for Stallman,” Schmidt says. “Don’t these people know who we are? We’re friggin Google. We’ve got peanuts in our stool that are bigger than Stallman and Moglen put together. They want to threaten me? They’re going to show up at the gates of my city with the skulls of conquered kings? Like who? My Little Pony? The dopes at Novell? This. Is. Google! You work for us. We will take your Linux and do as we wish. And you are powerless to stop us!”

Freetards now targeting Google

So Squirrel Boy is in a mini panic because the freetards have finally figured out that Google has been making cool improvements to Linux but not sharing its code back with the community. Now freetard lawyer Eben Moglen (in photo above with his pal Richard Stallman) is making noises about how Google must stop ripping off the “community” and start giving away all of its specialized code. Or else risk the wrath of Moglen and the threat of being put into FSF jail. Or something. See here. Money quote from Moglen: “(Google has) ethical and community responsibilities to return at least those modifications that are not critical to their business and that are of general value to the community. We will see over time whether there are additional measures necessary in order to secure cooperation in the community.”

Funny thing is that Moglen could have written the new Linux license, GPLv3, in such a way that it would have forced Google to do this. Instead he pussed out. But now he’s talking tough. Weird. Anyhoo, you know what? This is a lawsuit I’d really, really like to see. Really.

Linux Indy car crash on video

Thanks to the reader who sent this in. Apparently the guy crashed into a wall for no apparent reason. Again, a great metaphor for Linux, the software that would be a movement if only it could stop getting in its own way.

"I love my job. I hate my customers."

That’s a quote from Ed Zander of Motorola. But it turns out Linus Torvalds feels pretty much the same way. Word is he secretly flew into the Bay Area recently for some huge hedonistic luau party up in the Santa Cruz Mountains with a bunch of world-class uber-hackers hosted by a famous traitor to the Linux cause. From what I’m told someone asked Linus about the Tux500 Indy car effort and that just set him off. Fair enough, he’d had a bit to drink. Whatever.

Thing is, I really like Linus. He’s an awesome guy. Ask anyone who’s met him. He’s pretty amazing. Great programmer but an even better human being. How he deals with the freetards is beyond me. Not only does he have to hang out with pathetic weenies dreaming up stupid ideas like sponsoring race cars and using his trademark without his permission. He’s also got to deal with Richard Stallman, who is determined to frig up Linux if it’s the last thing he ever does. Yet somehow L.T. (as we call him) stays Zen through it all. Except when he’s hammered at parties in the Santa Cruz Mountains. Hey, shit happens.

Also: Click on the photo above and in the enlarged version check out the guy in the back, at right, with the beard and propeller beanie. Then tell me you don’t feel bad for Linus.