Tuesday, November 27, 2007

My copy of Leopard is working fine

Honestly I don’t understand all this fuss about Leopard. These stories about people having crashes and blue screens — what’s that all about? Katie says it’s just how the media works and because Vista had all those problems the natural story is to say, Oh ho, and now here comes Apple and their new OS is having problems too. She says the filthy hacks have probably just been waiting to write that story for months, long before Leopard even shipped.

Great. So now we’re getting tarred with Vista’s brush. Well, I can only speak from personal experience. I’ve been using Leopard beta builds for the past two years on a variety of machines. But I also do try to get the same experience as a regular person. On the day of the Leopard commercial release my tech team was in here loading the final build and they assure me that everything went smoothly, the install was a snap, and there have been no problems at all since then. And I’m running Leopard on a 40-foot LCD screen so believe me, if something went wrong, I’d know about it.

From what I’m told the only problems in the field have been rare occurrences and were entirely caused by user error. Though of course we can’t say that because then we look like dicks.

Monday, November 26, 2007

We are not censoring people; we are guiding people toward the truth

I’m so sick of reading articles like this one claiming that Leopard is having all sorts of problems — not true — and worse, that Apple is erasing message board threads that contain complaints.

Money quote: “There are a variety of other reports, including a Mac Pro becoming completely inoperative after a Leopard upgrade. One user asked, Is it me, or is Leopard just a mess? Apple locked the topic, preventing replies. Another user echoed my sentiments at the start of this article by asking Is ANY part of Leopard ready for release? Worst product from Apple so far. Here’s a shock, the entire thread was censored.”

So here’s the truth. This stuff is just not true. I mean, yes, we’ve erased some posts that contained false or potentially libelous statements. That wasn’t for our sake, but for the sake of the frigtards who posted them. It’s not helping anyone to just let Borg-funded trolls spew hateful false information on message boards.

Now, please, everyone, take out your photo of me and gaze into my eyes and repeat this phrase: Leopard is good, Leopard is great; Leopard is good, Leopard is great. Feel better now? Me too.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I am so sick of this griping about Leopard

My goodness. Every time I turn around there’s some new frigtard bitching about his Leopard upgrade. People, look. Leopard is the most advanced, most amazing, most perfect piece of software that has ever been invented. It is perfect. No, strike that. It is beyond perfect. If you’re having problems it’s because you’ve done something profoundly wrong to your machine. And before you do any more bitching, go look at Vista and then get back to me. What’s that? Yeah, I thought so. Peace out, losers.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Leopard sales match Vista. At least for the first 2 days.

See here. Out of the chute, Leopard was selling at the same rate as Vista. Pretty amazing considering we’re selling to a much smaller base. Much love, Apple faithful.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

More Leopard hate from the Borg-owned media

See the latest from Mary Jo Creepy of ZDNet, claiming that Leopard is having problems that are as big as Vista’s and maybe even bigger. Oh please. Money quote: “Could Leopard go so far as to drive some switchers into Vista’s arms? Sounds crazy, but who knows… If you’re Microsoft — especially a member of the Vista team — there’s no way you can help but gloat.” Lady, nobody in their right mind is going to leave Leopard for Vista. Seriously. According to our market research, nobody — not a single person, ever, in all of history — has ever switched from OS X to any form of Windows. Just doesn’t happen.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Borg funds hate study on Leopard

See this disgusting piece in eWeek (a Microsoft-owned publication) saying that Leopard has security problems. Money quote: “The short answer is the Leopard firewall is … ugly and a step backwards from 10.4,” says some jackass. I told Katie that from now on we do not talk to eWeek. She informed we me haven’t ever spoken to eWeek; all we’ve ever done is let our PR robot avatars read our spin scripts. Too bad, eWeek. Now you’re not even going to get the robots. Your bad.

One more thing. I just want you to know something. Stuff like this, stories like this — it hurts. Okay? It hurts me personally. I know people don’t realize how software gets created. They think it just falls out of the sky or something. They don’t realize all the people who work so hard for so many years to create something really amazing. And then in five minutes some dipshit from eWeek takes a crap on it. I am telling you this because there are some really incredible human beings who gave up big parts of their lives to make Leopard a reality. As lead developer and chief Leopard software architect, I’m one of them. I gave up more than anyone, probably. And did most of the coding myself. Not the actual code because I don’t actually know how to write code. But I wrote a kind of architectural Jobsian meta-code just by hand, in plain English, that the programmers could turn into computer language or whatever. Spent huge amounts of time on this. Drawing and redrawing. Lines, arrows, little commands. Basically all the high-value-add stuff. So thanks, eWeek. Thanks for the cheap shot. You tiny, tiny people.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Leopard hits 2 million mark

Watch out, Microsoft. We’re on your back and working our way up.

Borg-funded trade rag says Leopard beats Vista

Boom. See here. Money quote: “There’s a completeness about Mac OS X that starkly contrasts with Vista’s incompleteness.” Naturally, however, since this is a Microsoft publication the guy manages to make excuses for Microsoft’s shittiness. Like, Microsoft has to rely on partners; Microsoft got screwed by the antitrust stuff and became cautious; Microsoft has to focus on enterprise customers; Microsoft has to worry more about security. Blah blah. Apparently this guy even wrote an article saying why Vista is better than Leopard. I didn’t read it, and I’ve instructed our Safari team to find a way to block that article so it can’t be read on our browser. Not because we don’t want people to have the information; it’s just I don’t like to have evil vibes seeping onto our machines.