Monday, March 22, 2010

For sale: One terrible NBA team

The NBA’s Golden State Warriors are now officially for sale. They play in Oakland’s Oracle Arena. Guess which local tech CEO wants to buy them?

Monday, March 15, 2010

Whither, Iceland?

not a lot of happy Vikings, I can tell ya' ...

I’ve been following with interest the current pickle being suffered by Iceland. If you think what’s happening in Greece is a goddamn shame (if you work for Goldman Sachs, you’re probably on a number of Greek intelligence hit squad lists as we speak), you should see the problem Iceland’s naive young class of know-it-all know-nothing investment bankers pulled, the country is so broke right now, the best deal offered them by the UK and Denmark was that every man, woman and child on the island has to surrender a quarter of their income for the next eight years to clear the books. That amounts to $5.3 billion dollars, which Bill Gates could blow out his ass without ever missing it, and is a drop in the bucket compared to the colossal debt the good ol’ USA managed to get into but probably won’t find itself in the same situation as Iceland because China owns our debt and it is their own best interests that the US Dollar doesn’t collapse either overnight nor slow leak like a worn out tire.

Iceland, eh? Does Bjork come with it, 'cos I'd really like to bjork Bjork, you know ...!

Hmmmm .... A North Atlantic fortress ... volcanoes ... OMG, I'm Syndrome!

I feel bad for the poor Vikings, and in a way, I feel it’s probably our fault, after all, we did train the little villains who brought this calamity upon their little volcanic berg. So, I suggest Iceland do exactly what my former next door neighboring competitor did last November – call the banker, hand over the keys to the building, and call it a day.

A bargain at $5.3 billion, folks, free hot water and all the cod you can eat!

That’s right, the Icelandic government should call their UK and Danish creditors to the table and declare, well, we’re broke, so we’re leaving the country and handing this piece of real estate over to you, ‘cos we’re outski, comrades. And then we, the good ol’ US of A, take in all 320,000 of these delightful but somber Vikings, and plant them in reservations in Montana, Alaska, and North Dakota. Hey, it’s only 320,000 people, that’s less than the New Orleans Diaspora. They speak English so damn well they’d assimilate better than rural Minnesotans transplanted to the suburbs of Houston and Dallas.

Here's the pitch ... she's a Danish nudist stranded on a Wisconsin farm with two gay guys ... a riot, right? It'll go five, six years, just like Wings or Yes, Dear

There’s an upside, too, we get to have Bjork here all the time, I’m sure she can make the transition to kooky sitcom actress or cable TV reality star. The UK and Denmark can then figure out how to make that Nordic geyser farm in the North Atlantic into a profitable tourist spot or even sell it to Larry Ellison, he could turn it into his own personal spa, fishing, boating and private lair. Gad, Google would buy it up in a minute and Squirrel Boy would move there immediately and turn into his own private fortress to rule the world – moo-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Giant yacht doubles as an island

And I wonder who would want to buy one. Maybe a certain Oracle CEO? It’s $160 million, out the door.  Sorry, frickin’ sharks with laser beams on their heads are not included.

Saturday, February 20, 2010


Brother, it just doesn’t get any better than this.  Hear what Oracle CEO Larry Ellison has to say about bagging the America’s Cup, and what’s ahead for the event. He also “doesn’t like how the America’s Cup has become a contest for only the super wealthy.” Right.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Ellison takes America’s Cup

If you thought his ego was big before, you haven’t seen anything yet. Larry Ellison’s boat has won the America’s Cup, the Super Bowl of yachting for billionaires with nothing else to do but remind us they own more than we do.  Below, Larry is shown accepting kudos from the mere mortals he keeps around for the sheer sport of it.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Ellison close to America’s Cup win

Huffington Post reports that “Software tycoon Larry Ellison’s multinational crew needs one more win against two-time defending champion Alinghi of Switzerland to deliver the oldest trophy in international sports to San Francisco’s Golden Gate Yacht Club.”

As if his ego needed any more inflating.  Larry’s blog is here. You can dress like Larry here.

Brother, it’s gonna be huge.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Larry blows smoke

Not Dignan, though I wouldn’t be surprised, but Ellison, concerning worries over MySQL being squelched. Here’s the official company statement.

BONUS: Did anyone catch Andy Rooney at the end of 60 Minutes go over The Forbes 400 list and called Larry, Lawrence Ellison ?

The killer quote:

Then comes Warren Buffet at $40 billion and Lawrence Ellison with $27 billion. I don’t know Lawrence Ellison personally – as a matter of fact, I never heard of Lawrence Ellison, before.

How out of it can Andy Rooney be?


Pretty damn well out of it, I’m afraid.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Freetards hate Larry

Freetards claim they’ll drop MySQL like a hot potato if Oracle succeeds in swallowing up Sun Microsystems. It’s all part of the plan, dipshits. Well played, Larry, you are truly a god.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Cringely weighs in on Chrome

Wow! He actually credits Larry for predicting Chrome – back in 1996! He also surmises Chrome is not only a direct threat to Microsoft, but Apple, too, and Oracle/Sun.

Horse shit. Microsoft will go down because it will act too slow to respond to challenge and fuck up and implode. Apple will not lose its fan base, ‘cos people like the experience they buy with Apple – and more and more people are being sucked into it everyday; Apple is satisfying customers who used to be duped by Sony, H-P, Dell, Lenovo and of course Microsoft. Google Apps will have to really do something to leapfrog over Larry and start cutting into Oracle’s revenue stream. I see Google and Oracle becoming very wary partners in some future venture, then we’ll see who stabs who in the back first.

BTW, Cringely, that’s one hot babealicious wife, you lucky son-of-a-gun!

Update: Go here for all your fave I, Cringely video bits on YouTube