Saturday, February 2, 2008

Look, I hate these friggin Ken Fisher ads as much as you do


So I’m getting bombarded with mail from people telling me to take the Ken Fisher ads off the site. Folks, do you really think I’m in charge of what ads go on the site? Do you really think I sit here in my office with the whole ad team and preview every friggin ad and decide which ones I like and which ones I don’t and look at storyboards and make suggestions for how they might be improved? Jesus. I don’t have anything to do with the ads. It’s called the separation of church and state. Have you heard of it?

For what it’s worth, I hate the friggin Ken Fisher ads even more than you do. Every time I pull up the site and hear his voice barking at me about what a fucking investment genius he is a little piece of me dies. But there’s nothing I can do unless I want to cancel the ad deal and go back to writing this blog out of the goodness of my heart and unfortunately the goodness of my heart is not a very large place. Think of Rhode Island, then think 99% smaller, and you’ve got an idea of the size of the geographical land mass we’re metaphorically talking about here. Yup. Hate to tell you, kids, but I’m in this for the money. Shocking, I know. You thought I did it for love.

And since most of you fucks were too cheap to go buy my book, even though you’ve been reading this site for a year and a half and the book costs only fifteen bucks on Amazon and all you have to do is click a button on my sidebar and even if you don’t even read the book you could just view the purchase as a way to say thanks for eighteen months of fun-tastic entertainment, and even though you should read it because the book got wet-dream type reviews from the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Newsweek and Entertainment Weekly who all said it’s basically the greatest work of satire since Jonathan Swift and at fiften bucks it’s the bargain of the century — well, since you won’t go buy the book, you’re stuck looking at ads. Boo fucking hoo. My heart breaks for you. One asshole even wrote in saying he’s not going to read the site anymore because Ken Fisher annoys him so much. I guess it’s too much work to hit the pause button. Or to set up an RSS reader. Whatever. Good riddance, you cheap lazy prick.

FWIW, people, if you think Ken Fisher is an annoying pain in the ass, you should see the evil douchebags in New York who do the ad brokering for this site. Spend a few minutes breathing the same air as those smarmy duplicitous grin-fuckers and trust me, you’d be begging for Ken Fisher. Begging. Every time I meet with them I have to throw out my clothes and bathe in bleach afterward. I’m not kidding.