Sunday, April 4, 2010

WaPo person of diminutive stature delivers a so-so iPad review

What, you think I’m gonna’ use the word midget? That’s like saying the n-word to our height challenged differently-sized friends. [What the fuck is the PC phrase for these people, this week? Somebody call Bill Maher, he oughta’ know.] Why do I think this reviewer, this Melissa J. Perenson, for the WaPo is, shall we say, tiny? She thinks the iPad is too heavy! Check it out folks:

The iPad measures just 0.5 inch thick, but I had some difficulty handling it over any extended period. At 1.5 pounds, and with dimensions of 9.6 by 7.5 by 0.5 inches, it was too heavy for me to hold in both hands for very long, let alone in one hand, as sometimes felt natural to do. The weight is a significant consideration if you plan on using the iPad as an e-reader.

After using it to read Winnie The Poo for ten minutes, she thinks she’s holding the entire printed edition of the Encyclopedia Brittanica. I mean, are you kidding me? Is somebody not eating their Wheaties? Is somebody not getting enough calcium in their bodies? Does someone need Geritol®? Is somebody a wimp?

as Thumbelina in Total Recall

Jesus, Debbie Lee Carrington,

Debbie Lee Carrington, today, waiting for her iPad

the most excellent actress and stuntwoman from Total Recall has no problems toting around or reading the iPad. She wields that thing like it was part of her body, indeed, most people who get an iPad get fiercely attached to the device. If this Melissa J. Perenson is over four feet six and is under thirty five forty years of age and can’t handle holding an iPad for longer than the time it takes to scan a newspaper, I’m sorry, she has physical problems more serious than the rest of us and shouldn’t even be handling a Palm Pixi. I mean, this iPad was designed so even kids would hold on it to for hours on end. She must be panting when she picks up, say a celery stick or a salt shaker. My gosh, get this woman away from the office and into the clinic. And please, WaPo, get someone more robust to review Apple hardware next time. Double sheesh!!