Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Too stupid to own an iPad

Joe Wilcox, king of all ‘tards, ‘cos he can put more than two Lego bricks together, found seven morons who had the temerity to return their iPads shortly after purchasing. The reasons for their returns reveal to even the simplest child that these ingrates are obviously ‘tards of the worst kind, which is why Apple personnel were only too happy to accept back the miracles of Jobs from these ground squirrels and smilingly check the box on the store terminals next to these crudbunnies’ names, effectively banning them and their future descendants from the tribe forever. It makes you wonder how they ever managed to infect the gene pool. It’s amazing reading all these reasons, a couple of these brainless throwbacks  admitted to being Micro-tard stooges – what the fuck? – shouldn’t the both of you be waiting for the dreaded Micro-turd Monday Phone Apocalypse? – another fucktard had problems with the WiFi settings – hello? – Ever go to the FAQ or support website? Ever visit an Apple forum online? Ever visit a Genius Bar? Ever get laid? Ever graduate from kindergarten? – and another ‘tard is one of those who had buyers remorse – three hours after buying it! – and didn’t even bother taking it out of the box – no wonder he wasn’t charged the restocking fee, but don’t worry ‘tardo, your money’s no good anyway, ‘cos you’re a no-mind fucktard. You shouldn’t be allowed to handle any transaction of any kind, even making a deposit in the gentlemens’ toilet ‘cos you’d probably come back and ask for a refund!

photo circa 1986

circa 2009: now with Metamucil !!!

Now, Let’s go back to that rampant naysayer, Joe Wantscox, here. Now, remember this? Go ahead click on it, read, I’ll wait. Done yet? Good. Joe Wantscox is another one of those blogtards that hasn’t updated his online profile photo since the nineteen-eighties. Here’s a reminder, see. Obviously another Rogaine resistant scalp, else-wise why is the top of his head cut-off in profile photo? Is he from Remulak, a small village in France? Nahh, he’s from Brunswick, they make bowling balls and billiards in New Jersey! And of course, finding any recent photos of these cue ball blogtards is next to impossible, but fortunately I live right next door to the impossible, so feast your eyes on Grandpa Wantscox, here, ooh my freakin’ gosh, he looks like he hasn’t even graduated from using Windows 98SE, yet. Obviously his Depends hasn’t been changed in three days and his Cialis got mixed up with his diuretic medicine. He thought he could hide under a picture of Gruber on an iPhone, but we’re too clever for ya’ Methuselah. Now go back to your Morse key wireless set  and paper punch tape compiler, will ya’.