Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Too stupid to own an iPad

Joe Wilcox, king of all ‘tards, ‘cos he can put more than two Lego bricks together, found seven morons who had the temerity to return their iPads shortly after purchasing. The reasons for their returns reveal to even the simplest child that these ingrates are obviously ‘tards of the worst kind, which is why Apple personnel were only too happy to accept back the miracles of Jobs from these ground squirrels and smilingly check the box on the store terminals next to these crudbunnies’ names, effectively banning them and their future descendants from the tribe forever. It makes you wonder how they ever managed to infect the gene pool. It’s amazing reading all these reasons, a couple of these brainless throwbacks  admitted to being Micro-tard stooges – what the fuck? – shouldn’t the both of you be waiting for the dreaded Micro-turd Monday Phone Apocalypse? – another fucktard had problems with the WiFi settings – hello? – Ever go to the FAQ or support website? Ever visit an Apple forum online? Ever visit a Genius Bar? Ever get laid? Ever graduate from kindergarten? – and another ‘tard is one of those who had buyers remorse – three hours after buying it! – and didn’t even bother taking it out of the box – no wonder he wasn’t charged the restocking fee, but don’t worry ‘tardo, your money’s no good anyway, ‘cos you’re a no-mind fucktard. You shouldn’t be allowed to handle any transaction of any kind, even making a deposit in the gentlemens’ toilet ‘cos you’d probably come back and ask for a refund!

photo circa 1986

circa 2009: now with Metamucil !!!

Now, Let’s go back to that rampant naysayer, Joe Wantscox, here. Now, remember this? Go ahead click on it, read, I’ll wait. Done yet? Good. Joe Wantscox is another one of those blogtards that hasn’t updated his online profile photo since the nineteen-eighties. Here’s a reminder, see. Obviously another Rogaine resistant scalp, else-wise why is the top of his head cut-off in profile photo? Is he from Remulak, a small village in France? Nahh, he’s from Brunswick, they make bowling balls and billiards in New Jersey! And of course, finding any recent photos of these cue ball blogtards is next to impossible, but fortunately I live right next door to the impossible, so feast your eyes on Grandpa Wantscox, here, ooh my freakin’ gosh, he looks like he hasn’t even graduated from using Windows 98SE, yet. Obviously his Depends hasn’t been changed in three days and his Cialis got mixed up with his diuretic medicine. He thought he could hide under a picture of Gruber on an iPhone, but we’re too clever for ya’ Methuselah. Now go back to your Morse key wireless set  and paper punch tape compiler, will ya’.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Enter your password to continue

Unbelievably, some people still have passwords like “123456.”  Amazing.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Mr. Director, please call your office

Remember this story from January 3rd?  The “Googlle Institute.” Some totally scammy “school” in India at the “Rajarani Petrol Pump Complex.”  In other words, at a gas station. They were using a trumped-up version of the real Google logo, and none of the links on the site worked, you know the story.

Fast forward to today, and guess what?  That logo is gone.  The name is the same, but this one loses the proprietary typeface in favor of some handmade scribble.  Guess a C&D from Mountain View will have that effect.

And, you get an iron-clad legal disclaimer sure to hold up in court. No word on the whereabouts of Mr. Director, though.  A non-extraditable country may be involved.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Massive frigtard waste of money

Check this guy.  He’s at the top of the new monster tower in Dubai.  Isn’t this country going out of business? How can they build this wretched monument to excessive gas prices? It was gonna be called one thing, but they changed the name after some sheik or sultan or president of Abu Dhabi gave the country $10 billion so the entire country wouldn’t go down the tubes. But this sucker cost $1.5 bill, so they’re now just $8.5 billion ahead. Or something. Why isn’t The Donald involved in this? Forget “Trump Tower.” If he donated the money, he’d have his own country.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Gerry Levin: “Oops”

Remember Gerry Levin?  He was exactly half of the worst deal ever.  AOL-Time Warner.  Have you heard of it?  So, in some type of attempt to soothe his tortured soul, (from all the stockholder value that was lost, most likely,) he appeared on CNBC and threw himself on the mercy of the court. Key quote from that first link: “Mr. Levin seemed to admit that he had waited a long time to demonstrate the contrition he was now asking others to show. ‘Maybe you could say in my case it’s a little late,’ he said.

The other half of the Dynamic Duo, Steve Case, offers his take.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Google becomes Gogola

I must have missed this.  None of the major tech news sites had this story.  And the front page still has the old spelling. Anyway, it seems that our friends in Mountain View have decided to diversify.  Not satisfied with dominating search, or email, or browsers, or mobile phones..they’ve branched off into…Slush Puppies.  Maybe that’s what the Tuesday event is for.  Here’s the new website!  As this article suggests, “Creativity lives in each and every Indian…it is pretty amazed how they spin the Google’s logo to Gogola.”  It certainly is.  In the meantime, check out these Googlers Gogola-ers at the Gogola-plex.

Going Googlle

You’ve heard about that “Going Google” thing for businesses they do.  Well, as you can tell from the correct spelling of the headline..that’s not what this is.  There’s some totally frigtarded place called the “Googlle Institute of Software Studies,” a division of C.B.Online Pvt. Ltd.  Here’s the “Director” of “C.B.Online,”- no name, though.  (Memo to Mr. Director: there’s such a thing as a tie- have you heard of them?)  Anyway, the spelling and logo alone tips you off that this “Googlle Institute” is rather…questionable.  Don’t bother clicking on the links on this site, though.  Most all of them are broken, so it seems basic HTML isn’t part of the curriculum.  However, if you’re determined to “Go Googlle,” at the end of your classwork, you’ll get “Googlle certification,” which oughta wow ’em when you show up here for your first day of work.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Frigtard gets free malware from Office Depot

Here. Look Moronica, if you got a PC, back up your files and install an easy tard Linux distro, you’ll never worry about this shit again. Or buy a Mac Mini. It’s easier, lotsa fun, and no more viruses. Hardly.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Lines forming for Snow Leopard

The most amazing thing is that most of these people are not even paid actors. They’re actual frigtards, standing around for a product for which there is no shortage. Amazing.