Monday, October 8, 2007

Mac share at Princeton is skyrocketing

See here. Forty percent of students and faculty at Princeton now use Macs, up from 10 percent in 2003-2004. Much love, Crimson. And congratulations on beating USC.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

People say we’re getting arrogant. My response? Fuck off, stupid.

Seriously, Apple faithful, this new theme about how Apple is all arrogant and doesn’t care about customers and is putting its own needs ahead of everyone else’s is just really starting to spread, and I’m friggin sick of it. Check out this article for just one example. Or this one, which says “the only problem with Apple is that it has no gratitude. Or humility. Or generosity. Or manners.” Or this one which says we’re alienating our loyal customer base.

I’m just so sick of being told that I’m arrogant. I’ve been hearing this all my life. I’m not arrogant. I’m smarter than everyone else, and I have better taste. That’s not arrogant. It’s just true. Do you have any idea how maddening it is to be this smart and to create perfect products and then have frigtards tell me I’m arrogant because I won’t let them mess with perfection? Did Leonardo da Vinci finish his big statue of David and then say, Hey, any frigtards who want to add an extra leg or a third eye right in the forehead or whatever, well, go ahead, have at it? No. He did not. He said, Get the fuck away from my statue, jackass. You can look at it. That’s it. And oh yeah. Pay me.

Apple faithful, do me a favor. Keep an eye out for stories like this and send them in. This is a dangerous time for us. Clearly our enemies are pushing an agenda aimed at undermining our momentum. As those of you who know me will attest, I’m probably the least arrogant person on the planet. And to anyone who says otherwise, I say this: Fuck off, stupid. (Photo: Barry Lunger, Jobs-God Magazine.)

UPDATE: Much love to the commenter who alerted me to this gem of a bash job in Macworld of all places.

iPod considered as new global currency

Okay, that’s not exactly true. But some banks in Austria are now using the iPod as a way to compare purchasing power in different countries around the globe and compare global currencies. See here. Much love, Austrian bankers.

Friday, September 14, 2007


Recently I linked to a video about Australian soccer players wanting iPhones (see here). That post contained numerous errors. The athletes pictured in the video are from New Zealand, not Australia. They play rugby, not soccer. The video was translated into French, not Spanish. FSJ regrets the errors and thanks the many, many people who wrote in to point them out.

To see the same video now translated from Zealandese to English, go here. Gist is these guys want iPhone in their country right now and if they don’t get it they are threatening to harm El Jobso. Not cool, Zealandians. Not cool. Violence never solves anything, as Gandhi taught us. You of all people should know that right?

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Australians angry about iPhone

Apparently a team of Australian soccer players did some kind of protest before a match and did a chant demanding iPhones. See the video here. There’s a translation into Spanish but I can’t read it. They were chanting in some kind of Australian language and the translation is in Spanish, for reasons I can’t understand. One of our guys who does speak Spanish tells me they’re saying they really want an iPhone right away. Honestly the global demand for iPhone is so incredible. We’re really taken aback by it. Australians, we’ll have something for you as soon as we can. Good luck with the soccer, or “football,” as you call it.

UPDATE: For some reason the link to the video is really, really slow. Sorry.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

I stand corrected

Much love to the helpful readers who wrote in to inform me that (a) Bono is Irish, not Scottish; and (b) the Troubles were in Ireland, not Scotland; and (c) the six counties are not in England. Man oh man. Think of it as a Homeric nod, eh? Also, my deepest apologies to the Scots who took offense at my depiction of them as belligerent hooligans who don’t speak English. See all the very helpful comments here. Great thing about Europeans is you can always count on them to jump right in and correct your mistakes. It’s why we love doing business in Europe. Even the dumbest, least educated European is still so sophisticated and advanced compared to any American. They’re always ahead of Americans when it comes to design and style and grammar and history and knowledge of other cultures and languages. And the great thing about the Internet in general and the blogosphere in particular is that it gives these really clever Euros a place to put their cleverness on display. Anyhoo. Much love, Euros. You make this blog better by participating in it. Honestly. I mean that. I will strive to live up to your high standards.

By the way Bono himself emailed me last night to call me a jackass. He’s like, Man, we’ve been friends for wha now, like ten years or sumfin? And after all we’ve been through together, ya still don’t know where I’m from? Man oh man. I’m Irish, brother. And not just Irish but a Dubliner. And not just a Dubliner but a northsider. Go read up on your Roddy Doyle if you want to know what dat means. But put it this way. What do ya call a northsider in a suit? The defendant. Ya fooktard.

UPDATE: I’ve been informed that my correction above is itself incorrect, because the Troubles took place in Northern Ireland, not Ireland. Jesus. Who the hell is writing this blog? I’ve got to talk to Katie Cotton about this. Heads will roll, I promise.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

A challenge to Czech youth

Look, I like the Czech Republic. I’ve had a good time in Prague. Such helpful people in all the stores, such friendly folks on the trams and buses, so welcoming and warm, so willing to offer assistance to foreigners. Never grumpy or grouchy or pissed off. It’s a nation known for hospitality, and for some great achievements. Like the Skoda. And those fantastic beers. Wonderful composers like Smetana and Janacek. Writers like Kundera, Skvorecky, Hrabal and my main man Hasek. Marina Tsvetaeva, my favorite Russian poet, wrote some of her best work in Prague. And of course I love the great Czech politicians like Vaclav Havel (who by the way loves our new MacBook Pro) and Lech Walesa, and famous emigre businessmenski like Andy Grove.

But the above video just makes me sad. It shows young Czech kids vandalizing an Apple store and covering its windows with the word “Why?” because they think our computers cost too much in the Czech Republic. Folks, if you want to see how four decades of Communism can destroy a country’s soul, look no further. A once-proud nation of beermakers and industrialists has been transformed into a nation of lazy, whingeing young people who don’t respect other people’s property and expect handouts from the West. Sorry, kids. That’s not how it works. If you really want to know why imported goods cost so much in your country, take it up with Vaclav Klaus, or maybe his interior minister, Misho Knedlik.

Or hey, better yet. Go buy one of those wonderful Czech computers that are made in your fine country. Oh wait. You don’t have any computer companies? Ty vole, I’ve got an idea. Maybe you kids should start your own computer company. You know, like sell your car and beg some money from relatives and buy some components and start putting together machines in your garage. Work your ass off, hire the best people you can find, work your ass off some more and change the world. Then, in thirty years, when you’ve created the most beautiful machines ever known to mankind, you can have some punks deface your store and gripe about you being a rapacious exploiter. That’s how the world says “Thank you.” Or should I say, “Dekuji.” Or is it “Polib mi prdel”? I always get them confused.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

It’s called "zeitgeist," have you heard of it?

Every picture tells a story, and a picture is worth ten thousand words, and “Un bon croquis vaut mieux qu’un long discours,” as Napoleon once said to Josephine. [enough! we get it! ed.] Much love to Dear Reader Tom who was inpsired by my earlier post about our stock price and spent some time creating this wonderful graphic using the Web 2.0 mash-up tools in Yahoo Finance. Also, Tom, thanks for teaching me a new word. I don’t speak Dutch but it’s cool to add to my vocabulary. And since you alluded to this in your email, yes, as the Dutch would say, I am engaging in a bit of schadenfreude.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Thanks, Spiegel Catalog

So on Thursday we suddenly got hit with this huge surge in traffic and we couldn’t figure out why. Turns out it was because of this article in some German version of our Spiegel catalog. I don’t read Swiss so I can’t make any sense of it but I’m told it’s mostly positive. Apparently this Spiegel publication is very widely read in Europe, and all these daffy Euros, including many Italians, clicked on the link in the article and found this blog. So that explains all the traffic. It also explains the huge list of corrections to this recent article that I wrote about Fiat. It’s really worth taking another look at the article and then reading the numerous comments.

I’d like to address these concerns with the following correction:

A recent post about Fiat in the FSJ blog contained several errors. Tripoli is not in Italy, as we reported. Sicilian is not the language of Italy, as we reported. And “vaya con dios” is an expression in Spanish, not in Italian or Sicilian. We regret the errors and apologize to any Italians, Spaniards and Moroccans who might have been offended. I’ve instructed my team at Apple to create a new Foreign Language And Geography (FLAG) squad to start checking my items before they’re published. Items that have been checked — starting with this one — will have a label called “Foreign Language And Geography (FLAG).”

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Fiat wants to be Apple

And they’re thinking the new Cinquecento can be the iPod of cars. They’ve even gone so far as to rip off our “Think Different” advertising style in their new ad for the car, with shots from “Cinema Paradiso” wrapped around pictures of famous Italians. Now look. I love Italian cars. I wouldn’t buy them, but I love the way they look. The new Cinquecento, which appears at the end of the spot, is really a nice-looking small car. I wish Fiat well with this campaign. It’s a lovely spot, and I could understand it even though I don’t speak a word of Sicilian and I’ve never set foot in Tripoli. I just wish they were paying us a little bit for stealing our ideas. Oh well. Vaya con dios, as you guys would say. Much love to reader Mattia who sent us this link.