Tuesday, June 15, 2010

We will be extracting a retraction and apology from sweaty weasel Mark Zuckerberg

In case you missed it, the sweaty weasel came out and said some untrue and unkind things about the iPhone. Something about needing to buy four chargers to keep the battery from dying on him, and having to install a land line “so I can actually make phone calls.”

Katie has been in touch with Elliot Schrage and the rest of the team at Facebook. Our feeling is, everyone’s entitled to an opinion, but that opinion must be based on facts, and this stuff about battery life and not making phone calls is just not factual.

It’s a lot like the situation we had with Ellen Degeneres, where she was claiming that iPhone is difficult to use when of course it is not at all difficult to use.

In Ellen’s case we simply needed to remind the networks that carry her program of the very special relationship that we have with all of them. We just explained how special that relationship is to all of us, and how fragile it is, like a tiny glass Christmas ornament, and how it has to be nourished, like a delicate little seedling plant.

So, same with us and Facebook. Either the Christmas ornament, or the little seedling. Either way, we’re pretty sure the little weasel will post a correction soon. Or, since it’s Facebook, they’ll probably try to walk it back in stages:

1. That’s not what Mark said.

2. That is what Mark said, but that’s not what he meant.

3. Mark regrets that people misunderstood what he said, even though that’s not really what he said.

4. Mark says okay, he only bought three iPhone chargers, not four, and he might have installed a land line anyway, just because it’s a good idea to have one, so he cannot really blame that on the iPhone, so are you happy now? Can we all just move on with our lives? Jesus! Thank you.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Zuck: People who trust me are “dumb fucks”

Well, now an old IM string has surfaced. And honestly, this just makes me love this guy even more.

UPDATE: Original version of this story was on Business Insider. Huff and puff and blow that Facebook house down, Henry Blodget!

The best article ever about Facebook

I hate to say this, because Jason Calacanis is one of the biggest douchebags in the world, but he has written the best article ever about Facebook. You owe it to yourself to read it.

Money quotes:

* Last year, when I realized that Zuckerberg was an amoral, Asperger’s-like entrepreneur, I told Zynga CEO Mark Pincus that Zuckerberg would try and slit his throat. I knew this because I watched Zuckerberg screw over his users again and again in terms of privacy, and I heard about the stories of him screwing over his former employers at ConnectU and his early partners at Facebook.

* You can only screw people for so long before it catches up to you. The entire industry went from rooting for Zuckerberg to hating him and Facebook–in under 18 months.

* Zuckerberg represents the best and worst aspects of entrepreneurship. His drive, skill and fearlessness are only matched by his long record–recorded in lawsuit after lawsuit–of backstabbing, stealing and cheating.

* We’ve fought for years to create an open web, and we would be crazy to give our future over to a selfish little kid who has no problem stealing any innovation he catches from the corner of his eye from other entrepreneurs.

* Facebook taking people’s topic pages out from under them or their forcing folks into their virtual currency is no different than a dictator in a 3rd world country telling an outside investor who just spent millions putting in wireless phone network that their taxes have just doubled–conveniently to a level that is almost exactly their profit margin.

Oh, it’s good stuff. This Zuckerberg kid is a total monster.

Which is why, of course, we’re about to announce a huge collaboration with him, tightly integrating Facebook into our iPhone OS. We love these guys!

Mark Zuckerberg, I salute you. You babyfaced killah, you sociopathic bastard — do you not feel it, deep in your heart? We are one and the same.

Join me, and together we can rule the Internet as father and son!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Facebook password scam

Look at this dopey email.  “Facebook” isn’t even capitalized in the salutation.  A tip-off that maybe this email isn’t from a legitimate source? Of course.  The sender is surely from Riga, Latvia- otherwise known as Scam Central. But right now, Facetards all over the planet are going, “Oh, hmm, let me open this attachment, it has my new password.”

Don’t. Do. It.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Facebook owns social sharing

Lock, stock, and barrel. Here’s the story on TechCrunch.

Facebook integration for Gmail

You know that little Buzzy icon in Gmail? If you’re like me, you ignore it, or disable it. If you’d like to have a Facebook link inside Gmail, (this is a Chrome extension) Michael Arrington fills us in.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Guess who’s on Facebook

Sure does look like a certain tech CEO.  TechCrunch thinks so, too.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Aussie teens learn of brother’s death via Facebook

Facebook touts itself as a terrific way to stay in contact, albeit through the Net, with friends and acquaintances.

But you never want to learn about someone like this.

Twins Angela and Maryanne Vourlis logged onto FB on their 20th birthday.  They expected to see the usual birthday greetings from their pals. What they found out was that Chris, a friend of theirs, had died in a car accident.  They also learned their brother Bobby had died in the accident too.  More here.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Gmail killer?

TechCrunch reports Facebook is about to get into the web-based email game.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

New design for The Facebook

Don’t use it myself- I’m the one person in the world- but FB is rolling out a new design tonight. About 80 million sheep users will initially get it. Wider deployment to follow. Screenshots are here.