Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Latino midget Hillary

Words fail me. But enjoy it. Much love to Bob for the tip. And to freaky ass Gawker for publishing it first.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Barack Obama-sistible

Bit of trivia. I believe the guy singing this song is also the creative genius behind Tiny Hands, a heartwarming set of short films about a man overcoming adversity.

If Hillary is elected

Talk about cocky. The Clintstones have already had Hillary’s plane painted up. Much love to Brinke for the spy photograph.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Saturday groan

Words fail me. Go Obama.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Gail Collins declares her stupidity

The big-time columnist for the New York Times declares today that she feels utterly hoodwinked by Eliot Spitzer. “I thought electing Eliot Spitzer governor of New York was a really good idea,” she says. Claims she had no inkling that he might be a bit of a whack job and saw him as a “feisty clean-up-the-government candidate with years and years of experience putting the bad guys in jail.”

Lady, you must be joking. Anyone with half a brain watching Spitzer in action as Attorney General knew that the guy was a dangerous, narcisstic, power-mad egomaniac willing to ruin innocent people to further his political career. But somehow this eluded the incredible intelligence of Gail Collins. Then again, Ms. Collins also seems to think Hillary would make a great president. She isn’t put off by the race-baiting, the lying, the exaggerated claims about bringing peace to Bosnia and Northern Ireland. Nope. Great judge of character, that Ms. Collins.

As for Spitzer, well, I have to admit, the rent-a-date was pretty hot and maybe even worth four grand a date. FWIW, Larry, who knows about such things, says four grand is the “very low end of the high end” and he’s surprised that Spitzer, who has plenty of money, wasn’t aiming higher. He says for twenty grand a night you get (a) much hotter girls; and (b) total security and identity protection, stuff even the CIA can’t crack. “It’s like anything,” he says. “You get what you pay for.”

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

I talked to Barry last night and man is he pissed

He was kicking back and smoking some of the herb I sent him and to be honest he was kind of bumming out. But he also sounded frustrated and pissed off, which I took to be a good sign. He says he’s furious about this bullshit “kitchen sink” attack that Maggie Williams has been throwing at him. “Dude,” he said, because that’s what he calls me, “I just talked to my people and I told them I think it’s time we started throwing some porcelain of our own. We’re going to hit her with everything we’ve got. The sink, the toilet, the urinals. Whatever’s big and heavy, we’re tossing it.”

I told him I totally agreed but I also recommended that he do some yoga and tai chi to get himself centered. Read a little Art of War and then a little Tao Te Ching, is what I told him, and then, yeah, go out there and start lobbing some friggin bombs. Smack that big ass. Smack it hard.

He was like, Thanks bud. I totally appreciate it. And thanks for the Oregon herb. It’s just right. Nice and mellow, not too edgy, just like you said. We’re all digging it. I told him no problem, and if he wants to use the Jobs Jet, just let me know. He said he’d do that. Then we both said “Peace out,” and signed off.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Lots of people talking about this new Jack Nicholson ad for Hillary which includes a quote from “A Few Good Men” where Jack says, “There is nothing on this earth sexier, believe me, gentlemen, than a woman that you have to salute in the morning.” I guess Jack and Hillary maybe figured people wouldn’t remember the rest of that quote. Luckily, dear reader Robert T. did remember, and passed it along. It’s worth checking out the complete scene. And then picture it applied to Hillary. Seriously. Give it a shot.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Barry is rocking the world down in Texas

Here he is in El Paso meeting with some schoolkids. This was right after he fed an entire auditorium with just a single stick of French bread and a pack of hot dogs. Just look at those kids and how they love him! Yeah, they know greatness when they see it. Viva Obama! Much love to Art Director Jason for the beautiful suitable-for-framing art work. Friends, please share this lovingly crafted portrait with everyone you know. Someone should be painting it on velvet. Or on those glass panes where the eyes move when you walk across the room. Nitrozac and Snaggy are no doubt on the job already.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Obama just faith-healed some woman

Just heard this from one of our guys who’s traveling with Barry for the week providing tech support for his staff. Apparently they were in Ohio, or maybe Texas — I get them mixed up — and some woman came up to Obama saying she was blind from a factory accident and out of work and she’d heard about Obama and had listened to him speaking on TV and just wanted to meet Obama and shake his hand. Obama shook the woman’s hand and then took both of her hands in his hands and began talking to her in this very quiet voice, almost a whisper. Nobody knows what he was saying but suddenly the woman began shaking and crying and then Obama let go and the woman stumbled backward and started looking around and shouting, Oh my God! Oh my God!

According to our guy on the ground, this woman is not some kind of ringer or plant. Her husband and kids and some friends had brought her to the rally and they all vouched for her. Our guys says Obama seemed kind of geeked out and just took off fast, like maybe he didn’t mean for this to happen or something. His handlers were freaking too and wouldn’t answer questions about it and said only that the senator was moving on to his next stop of the day.

I know people are going to be skeptical but frankly I totally believe this because I’ve done it myself a few times. It’s not magic. It’s just a kind of energy that some people are able to channel. Goes with the charisma and the ability to persuade people with your speeches. It’s just a more extreme version of that same energy. I’ve never asked Barry about this but I kind of knew when I met him that he had it. Bono has it too.

Anyway, I’m sure Barry is actually embarrassed about this and didn’t do it to show off. If I know him I’ll be he’ll pretend it didn’t happen and he won’t want to talk about it. More as this develops.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Cornered Clintstones attack: This Obama guy is black! Who knew?

So over the weekend the desperate Clinton campaign began circulating this photo of Barry Obama in an attempt, I guess, to make him seem scary. Drudge has the story here. Turns out Barry was on a tour of Africa when the photo was taken. But I guess we’re supposed to believe that maybe he’s some secret Al Qaeda operative and the photo was taken at his graduation from terrorist training school. Hoo boy.

Apparently the coded Clintstone message goes something like this:

Gosh, folks, guess what? This Barack Hussein Obama fellow comes from Africa! He may even be related to some Muslims! Does that outfit look familiar? Maybe remind you a little bit of this guy? Folks, he’s not one of us! Does he really share our values? Can we trust him? Do you really want to elect a big scary dark-skinned foreigner who wants to destroy our nation and give away all our jobs to the special interests and leave all our children behind and not give health care to everyone?

Mother of God. This from Democrats? This is the kind of stuff you’d expect from Karl Rove. First the bogus plagiarism charge. Now this. What’s next? Pictures of Willie Horton? (He’s the dude in the photo at right and for those of you who are too young to remember the very ugly 1988 presidential race, check out the link to the Wikipedia page. In that case it was Bush Sr. and the nasty Repubes smearing Mike Dukakis, a somewhat swarthy son of Greek immigrants, and the coded message was that the Duke wasn’t truly American and didn’t share our values and gosh he let this big scary black man out of prison.)

Now the Clintons are dragging out the old tried-and-true “find a scary black man and attach him to your opponent” trick. Goddamn this makes my blood boil. Good news, I think, is that this time I believe the tactic will backfire on the Clintons and make them look like the craven, ugly, power-hungry creeps they truly are. Turning whites against blacks, turning one religion against another — that’s the crap we’re all sick of and that’s exactly why people are going crazy for Obama. So go for it, Clintstones. Show your true colors. You know what? I’m betting American people are better and smarter and a lot less bigoted than the Clintons give them credit for. I’m betting a lot of Americans feel really good about a dude who can travel to Africa and the rest of the world and reach out to them and respect them and earn their respect in return. Just a hunch.