Monday, January 25, 2010

I wouldn’t do this to my Mac, but maybe someone will

Much love to iPhone Savior for this one. Apparently after Monkey Boy signed that guy’s MacBook Pro, some artist got the idea to create a sticker with his head on it. Oh, and he’s also got one of me. He makes them by hand and they cost ten bucks apiece. Such a deal!

Bill Gates, super freak

Perez Hilton is reporting that the Beastmaster was getting freaky at Sundance with the young lady in the photo above. And Perez (aka Mario Incontinentia) is acting all surprised, I guess because Bill is an elderly sourpuss geek and Perez can’t imagine that old white dudes like to bone cute girls. Yeah. Imagine that! Just shows how little Perez Hilton know about geeks. Perez no doubt figures that to be a freak you need to have purple hair and loads of shiny clothing and you need to act all outrageous in public. Truth is, the buttoned-down guys are the biggest freaks in the world. It’s all the repression. Go ask the hookers in any city where they’ve just had a Republican convention, or some kind of Promise Keepers meeting. The freak factor goes up by an order of magnitude during those weeks.

As for Bill, back in the 80s he was notorious at Comdex in Vegas for hitting on hacks and flacks alike, and he was always out there on the dance floor leaping around like a dirty weirdo. Reports back from women who dated him were either scary or hilarious, depending on your point of view and religious beliefs. Golden showers, donkey punches, the filthy Sanchez. Total nuthouse. Bill didn’t even bother trying to deny it. He told me once, Look, when you can get whatever you want, where’s the thrill? You have to go freaky because it’s the only way to get excited. You need to push the envelope.

Anyway, as it happens I was talking to Bill over the weekend.


Friday, January 22, 2010

Monkey Boy signs a MacBook Pro

Much love to the many readers who sent in links to this story and the video (above) of Ballmer signing someone’s MacBook in Nashville, Kentucky. Bow down before the one you serve, Fester.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Borg to release patch tomorrow

The Borg, brought to their knees by Chinese hacker frigtards, are going to release a patch to fix the Aurora hack attack on Gmail. Internet Explorer 6 was a key reason they were able to mess with Gmail. The patch addresses issues with newer versions of the browser, as well. Lots of tech jargon here.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The evolution of Google?

That seems to be the sentiment. Original is here. Much love to dear reader Patrick for the tip.

Mr. Charisma announces a doomed tablet computer

This just happened at CES, and there’s coverage on Engadget and Gizmodo and a zillion other places. Fester sure looks excited about it, doesn’t he? I mean the guy is just brimming with energy and joie de vivre these days.

Anyway, what he’s showing is only a prototype, ie a lame attempt to copy what we’re doing and steal some thunder from our announcement later this month (right, as if). There’s no official ship date, but trust me, before it’s even left the building this thing is toast. It’s dead.

For one thing, look at it. If I were giving it a name, I’d suggest calling it the Meh. Or the Blah.

For another thing, while HP makes nice hardware, the game isn’t about hardware anymore. It’s all about software. That’s why Palm is flailing. I told those guys when they hired Ruby — look, he’s a nice guy, but he’s a hardware guy. Did they listen? Of course not. Why take advice from the guy who has created more hit products than anyone else in all of history?

The problem that the HP tablet will have is that it will be running software made by Microsoft. That means Dell and Asus and everyone else will make products that are essentially the same as theirs.

But also: It runs software made by Microsoft. Full stop, period, end of story.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Borg’s new command: Get some enthusiasm, assholes

Dude Gets Fired By Steve Balmer – Watch more Funny Videos

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Bing rolls out new Silverlight-powered maps

The new Bing Maps beta is beautiful, and slow.  That’s the verdict from Ars Technica. Check the whole thing out right here.  (As an aside, ol’ Bingster refuses to change the city where I live.  Just like the preview version of  It simply won’t change even though I type in the zip and hit “Save.”  I have no idea why.  If I used their sites, I guess I’d care more.)bing-crosby-white-christmas-794163_4791

Monday, November 30, 2009

Is The Valley easing up on The Borg?

That’s the basis for this article.  Top quote:

“Maybe they’re trying to be good partners and not bullying as much, but that’s because they aren’t so fearsome anymore.  It’s hard to be a bully when you’re not really bigger and stronger than everyone else.”

-Gary Rivlin, author of “The Plot to Get Bill Gates

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Microsoft Stores will succeed – for now

I’ve been pondering Joe Wilcox’s blogpost about his visit to the Borgstore. (Nice graphic, Brinke, I never would have guessed Flanders as a Borg supporter). The one thing that sticks out is that all the personnel look like the customers –

regular people – whereas, when you enter

an Apple Store and you’re not only struck by all the oh wow gee magical wunnerful everything,

you’re also taken by the employees. I think that’s the main difference –

except also that there’s no iPods, Macbooks, MacMinis, MacPros, iPhones, iTouches, etc., on display. And since the Borg’s appeal is the great unwashed, that market segment

probably will gravitate towards Microsoft Stores in great numbers, but only to  Circuit City’s and other electronic retail establishment’s detriment, but not Apple’s, as Apple has a mystique and ineffable sense gee whiz wonderment and coolness about it that you can’t kill. It’ll be the Porsche show room next to the Ford car lot, essentially.

And don’t be surprised if in the future Redmond does buy a major PC or electronics hardware supplier or two to make Microsoft machines to sell in its outlets – which is fine – they’ll be gauche, clumsy, garish, cheap and uncool –  but people will buy it all the same, because they don’t know any better.

Yet, Microsoft still doesn’t get it. Its competition isn’t Apple and hasn’t been for years (who knows, maybe they know that, they just want some of that recent Apple success to rub off). While Redmond thinks it’s having one last hurrah right now, Google will ultimately be the game changer for a lot of people in this industry. Windows 7 and Office will be probably the last time OEMs accept resignedly what Redmond has to offer. Businesses will rethink  about what they want in their back end and on the desktop. Oracle might be the one company who can stand up to what’s about to happen – or not. Larry ain’t no spring chicken; Benioff won’t be dazzling bullshitting anybody with his regurgitated half-assed take on CRM and cloud services for long, either.

These Borg Boutiques will pop up like KrispyKremes and Subways outlets for five years and then WHAM, the bottom will fall out, they’ll have to close three quarters of ’em and consolidate.