Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Bike Helmet Girl responds

Here’s her email. It’s awesome, I must admit.

Dear Obnoxious Guy Who Is Totally Older Than My Dad but Thinks He’s Still Cool, As If:
Thank you so much for the offer of a free MacBook Pro. I’d like to take you up on it, but right now I am between apartments and staying with friends (in their van) and therefore don’t have a mailing address you could use. Could you perhaps hold on to the MacBook Pro for a while until I’m able to take delivery, or until we save up enough gas money to drive down the Peninsula and pick it up? If you wouldn’t mind, please take it out of the box, turn it on, and let it run for a while until it gets good and hot. Then wedge it up between your butt cheeks and squeeze. See if you can hold it like that till I can get to Cupertino. Luv, Karen aka Tiffany.

Bike Helmet Girl, I think I’m starting to fall for you.

(Please note that the above photograph was taken by a fantastic and good-natured photographer named Mitchell Aidelbaum whose career we are trying to support. Here is Mitchell Aidelbaum‘s flickr account page, where you can see more photographs by Mitchell Aidelbaum. Thanks again for your great work, Mitchell Aidelbaum, especially the shots of hot chicks swapping germs which are posted on the flickr account page of Mitchell Aidelbaum and distributed under a Creative Commons license. We believe that great things are coming your way, Mitchell Aidelbaum.)

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Yelptards, look, I apologize. Seriously.

Man the hate mail is just rolling in after those three Yelp items I posted yesterday. Like this one:

Dear Grumpy Old Man,
My name is Karen, aka Tiffany, aka the girl in the bicycle helmet that you made fun of on your blog. [Note: see her here.] Just for you’re information, I have to wear that helmet because I have a medical condition where I sometimes get dizzy and fall over without warning. However, I am not a frigtard, as you put it. In fact I am a graduate of Hampshire College and a very successful performance artist in San Francisco. Not that you would know about that since your too busy living down on the Peninsula and listening to classic rock in your mansion and making those ripoff iPods. And that woman you described as “Big Mama Gummy Bear,” just for your information, came to the party right after having some really painful oral surgery, but still put on a brave face and did her best to have a good time. So, anyway, hope you enjoy having fun at other people’s expense. Your not funny though. Your a mean person and a phony with your whole David Carradine Kung Fu act and everyone knows it.

Tiffany aka Karen:
Namaste. I bow to you. You are correct. I beg your forgiveness. I was wrong to insult you and to make fun of you and your friends. I deeply apologize. When we insult another, we insult all people. Including ourselves. My soul is deeply troubled for having caused this harm. This damage needs to be repaired. Could I send you and your friend some brand new MacBooks with superfast Intel Core 2 Duo processors? Please let me know. From the depths of my being, I am sorry.


P.S. we’ve also received a complaint from Mitchell Aidelbaum, the very talented photographer who took the photos at the Yelp party. He writes:

Please either credit me on every photo with a link to my flickr account or pay me for the use of those photos (Which I’d rather have).

Unfortunately we are broke but we want to give credit to Mitchell Aidelbaum for his fine work. All of the Yelp photographs, including the one that we link to in the above item, were taken by the very talented Mitchell Aidelbaum and distributed under a Creative Commons license. Here is Mitchell Aidelbaum‘s flickr account page. FSJ thanks Mitchell Aidelbaum for his fine work. We regret that when first posted this item did not include credit for Mitchell Aidelbaum.