Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Lá Fhéile Pádraig

…. or Happy Saint Patrick’s Day, people. Consider it Mardi Gras for over friendly very pale skinned freckled people with thick brogues and a propensity for drinking gallons of alcohol. It’s my heritage, so why should I fight it? In lieu of costumes, just wear something green, or dye your hair, paint your face, wear a shamrock, or pretend you’re an over-sized leprechaun. One thing I have noticed is that people of non-Celtic backgrounds treat this day as a license to get shit faced beyond belief more than on any other holidays such as New Year’s Eve, the Super Bowl or Fourth Of July. In Dallas, we  overindulge celebrate early on the Saturday before or closest to Saint Patrick’s with a big ol’ parade down Greenville Avenue, then all the bars fill to overcapacity and literally do ten to twelve times the business they would normally do then on, say, Texas/OU weekend. So, for today, except for the hardcore future liver recipients, some of us will celebrate the day a little quieter than the rest of the country. Erin go bragh, drink and drive responsibly, everyone, as I huddle in my bunker until tomorrow, arguing on the phone with my agent why hasn’t he landed me a deal with HBO, FOX or Showtime yet, and he patiently explains that he can’t very well sell any of my ideas to those companies if I’m constantly taking swipes at their scuzzbag mendacious CEOs. Independence can suck, financially, sometimes. Ah,thank goodness I always keep a spare Guinness in tha’fridge … mother’s milk, that stuff, or should have been, now that I think of it, ‘twould be a fine step up in bio-mechanics if them rascally scientists could genetically engineer female breasts that could serve that stuff up. It would certainly make Lindsay Lohan, Pamela Anderson or any other celebrity train wreck that much more appealing if they could serve refreshments instead of imbibing them to excess, ya’ think? What’s that? I just made Lindsay Lohan cry? Are you sure it was me, she could be sad about something else, like her career, for starters … her mother is talking to lawyers .. what else does Dina do, when she’s not exploiting her kids … sheesh …

Be safe and happy, kids! I love you, bye-bye!