I mean, will you just look at that ridiculous set-up?  Wow.

Continuing with the theme I started last week with the piece about people who use Facebook to brag about their triumphant jogging achievements, let me just say this: What the fuck is up with these people who bring their own pillow to the airport? As you know, I don’t fly commercial — just the thought of it gives me hives — but I do see these idiots at the San Jose airport and I wonder, How far can you possibly be traveling? New York is like five hours away. You need a pillow for that? Hell, even if you’re flying to China, do you really need a pillow? And what about these people who show up wearing outfits that are basically pajamas? Al Gore does that and it drives me crazy. The other day he flew with me to LA. He shows up in a velour track suit and some L.L. Bean slippers, with one of those U-shaped neck pillows and a bag of snacks and a pair of Bose QC-15 headphones in a special case and this huge bottle of water, like maybe he’s going to the desert for a month and needs to make sure he won’t dehydrate to death. I’m like, Dude, we’re gonna be in the air for like an hour, and when we land we’re going to be in a big city where they sell water and food. He says it doesn’t matter, this is how he travels. Jesus. People, it’s an airplane. You get on, you sit in a chair, they take you someplace. You get off the plane and go about your day. You do not need special clothes and pillows and stuffed animals and big stupid ass Bose headphones. Okay? Just get on the plane, sit down and shut the fuck up. Are we clear on this? Good.

Like he hasn’t ripped off El Jobso’s look.  Bet he’s wearing New Balance 993’s, too.  Anyway, here’s an article on Al- he’s gonna save the planet. Or “Digital democracy” is going to save the planet…whatever that is.  Bottom line, our planet won’t go into the dumper, and Al is the man.

Something about taping guns to trees.  That’s a comforting concept.   (I’d embed the video but this thing won’t freakin’ let me do it.)

Our former VP Al Gore has decided that the next generation American power grid will be like the Web.  And how are we gonna pay for that, exactly?  Maybe Dr. Schmidt will pick up the tab, since they’re buddies.

It’s happening, people. In Austria. In Montana. In Iowa. In Chicago. In Idaho. In Nebraska. In southern California. In Texas. In Denver, where baseball games are getting snowed out. This is exactly what Al Gore predicted, and it is freaking me out.

My dear friend Al Gore has teamed up with Google to create some Google Earth videos intended to bore people to death scare the shit out of people.

Naturally the U.S. press is totally ignoring the story, but luckily some paper in Austria has taken the brave step of sharing this terrifying information with the world. And Google has set up a special landing page where you can see what will happen to the planet as the temperatures keep going up. Money quote from Al’s video introduction:

“In addition, the destabilisation and extensive melting of the Greenland and west Antarctic ice sheets … has increased dramatically since 1979 and could cause global sea levels to rise between four and 12 metres, with each metre causing roughly another 100 million refugees.”

Here’s the whole video. It’s only 2 minutes long, and I highly recommend it.

Al, we’ve been through hell and back together. We’ve spent sacred time in a sweat-lodge, fired up on peyote and spooning, naked, while we shared our most intimate secrets. So I say this as a friend. Will you please stop this fucking waffling? Your country needs you.

So as I’ve mentioned before Jerry York is like the world’s biggest climate change skeptic and he loves to take the piss out of Al Gore. This drives Al nuts since as you might suspect he doesn’t exactly have the greatest sense of humor about this urgent crisis that threatens to destroy all of civilization within the next ten to twenty years. Jerry’s latest thing is sending Al taunting emails with links to stories about people freezing their nuts off in Alaska and record cold temps in Minnesota and bitter cold in the Northeast. He find this crap on the Drudge Report and sends it to Al with notes like, “More evidence! Keep up the good work!” Jerry’s point apparently is that record cold snaps somehow mean that global warming isn’t happening. Al tries to explain to Jerry that in fact these record cold snaps are the direct result of global warming. Jerry won’t listen. He doesn’t really care anyway. He just likes to get Al all wound up. And it works. Al just called me practically screaming. He’s down at Kleiner Perkins meeting with greentech people all day, and then he checks his iPhone during a bathroom break and finds these taunts from Jerry and so he calls me, as if there’s something I can do about it. I told Al, Look, just let it go, don’t let him get to you.

Al says he wants Jerry tossed off the board. I’d love to do it, honestly, but we can’t do that. He’s too wired in. And honestly, we’re all scared of him. Just look at the photo of him. The guy sharpens his teeth. And yes, he’s little. But you would not want to fight him. Trust me.

What the hell is going on here? Last I knew, Ditka was a self-described “ultra-ultra-ultra conservative,” and he once even considered running against Obama for a state senate seat in Illinois. Now he’s hanging out with Al and they’re considering endorsing Obama? Amazing. To me this just shows the kind of charisma that Obama has. He’s truly a uniter, a guy who can reach across the aisle and bring people together in common cause. For the sake of our country, I pray Obama holds his own tomorrow.