So Facebook is finally getting called out for being selfish greedy pricks and making up preposterous excuses for not allowing users to export their contact information. Now Katie and her minions have started a betting pool to see how long it will take David Kirkpatrick, Facebook’s new unofficial spinmeister, to publish something on The Daily Beast where he explains that Zuck & Co. are actually doing the right thing here, and how Google are the bad guys.

The back story: Google is griping about Facebook being a one-way street with user data, meaning you can import data from Gmail into Facebook, but you can’t pull your contact info back out. Google retaliated with a code change that tried to prevent Facebook from getting Gmail data. Facebook hacked around the block. Now Google says it’s “disappointed” and God knows what will happen next.

For the first time that I can remember, people are just openly calling bullshit on Facebook.

Michael Arrington says, flat out, “Facebook is lying.” Danny Sullivan of Search Engine Land says Facebook are a bunch of hypocrites.

My problem is that I hate Google as much as I hate Facebook. So I’m not sure which side to take. Frankly I’d like to see them just open fire on each other like guys at the end of some Quentin Tarantino movie.

Let me tell you what Zuckerberg put us through when we wanted to make Ping work with Facebook. I tried doing the thing where I invite some dork to my house for dinner and take him for a long walk. This never fails. Except on Zuckerberg, that quasi-autistic little sociopath. You know what he said to me? He goes:

Look, we’ve got half a billion idiots rounded up in a cage, and we’re going to wring billions of dollars out of these morons by slicing and dicing all sorts of data that they provide and then selling that data to advertisers. If you, Mr. Jobs, want access to that data, then write us a big huge check, or just go build your own social network, or otherwise just go away, because frankly all this stuff about openness and sharing is just bullshit and you, of all people, Mr. Jobs, should know this. I mean Steve Jobs lecturing me about openness and sharing is like John Wayne Gacy offering tips on how to run a day care center.

So I asked him how much money he wanted. The number he gave me was so ridiculous that I had to ask him to repeat it. The phrase I used in the press was that Facebook wanted “onerous terms,” but what I really meant was, Sorry, but I really don’t enjoy the feeling of blood running down my legs and pooling in my running shoes.

With Google I’m not sure it’s even about money. It may just be that Zuck has no interest in sharing data with Google, no matter what price he can get.

Google is stunned. They’re like, Wait a minute, you can take our data from us, but we can’t take it from you? Are you serious? And Zuck says, Um, yup. And then Google tried this lame maneuver of trying to publicly slut shame Zuckerberg for being such a slut, but the problem is that Zuckerberg has no shame. Or morals. Or conscience. Suck on that, Google. You’ve finally met an opponent that’s more monstrous than you are.

And that’s why this is all such a great challenge for David Kirkpatrick. Because in this case Facebook are so obviously being ruthless hypocritical lying dicks that it’s hard to imagine how someone could come to their defense. Then again, if anyone is up to the task, it’s David K.

My bet is that he has something up on Daily Beast by end of day today.