Why I am suddenly sending email to everyone

Maybe you’re aware that lately I’ve been sending off email responses like some crazy old crank, including a really feisty exchange with a Gawker reporter over the weekend. And maybe you’re wondering, Why, dude? You’re the CEO of a major corporation. Now you’re firing off email at 2 in the morning, debating porn and matching wits with some kid who works for Gawker?

Well, it’s like this. I’m tired of people satirizing me. Maybe you’ve heard that some loon created a blog where he pretended to channel my inner thoughts. Then some other nut has created a puppet. Now there’s even a one-man show. Enough! The way I figure it, why let those guys go around making me look like an idiot, when instead I can do it myself?

Plus, it throws people off. Makes me seem dangerous. Unpredictable. Who knows when I might strike? It’s my version of the “Drunken Monkey” fighting style.

Smart, right?