Nintendo is trying to send cyborgs into the past to kill my parents

All because of this thing where their president says we’re the “enemy of the future.” I first thought he meant we’re the enemy of the future itself, like somehow we’re opposed to the future, or we’re trying to stop the future from happening. Which is nuts. We’re going to own the future.

But then I got it — he meant we’re the enemy of their future. Which is totally true. We fully intend to put Nintendo out of business. Along with pretty much everyone else. That’s the plan anyway.

As for this thing with the cyborgs, Katie has a team of flacks on the ground in Japan, and they’re trying to convince Nintendo’s scientists that they should be targeting Woz’s parents, not mine. At this point Nintendo can’t even get the cyborgs to travel backward in time. All they can do is walk around Kyoto, smiling and looking harmless. So, no imminent danger. Nevertheless, we’re taking precautions.