He is, quite simply, the best Apple blogger out there, and we’re incredibly happy that he graciously agreed to write a guest post for us today. It’s a terrific essay, one that you can print out and apply to any situation involving Apple, at any time. Namaste, John Gruber. I honor the place where your point of view and my own remain absolutely synchronized at all times.

Why Apple Is Right

The whole argument is being blown out of proportion and at the same time misrepresented by people who don’t really understand the underlying issues, either because they are intellectually dishonest or profoundly stupid or both. So let’s take a quiet moment to look at what’s going and then try to reach some kind of reasonable agreement based not on emotions or on hysteria but simply on facts. Okay, assface? Or is that beyond the capabilities of your tiny syphilis-riddled brain?

The fact is, Apple has good reason to behave the way it is behaving here. The precedents being cited by those on the other side do not apply in this case at all. It’s a straw man argument, which I have created and now will knock down, like so. Then, let’s look at the history, which also proves that I’m right. Finally, let me mention WebKit and Cocoa so we can establish, once and for all, that I know more about this subject than you do, from which we can extrapolate another fact, which is that you should now just shut the fuck up.

So there you have it. Fact, fact, fact. Plain and simple. Pure logic.

As for Apple’s intentions, who can say? But from my own conversations with certain people who work at Apple, I can tell you that Apple is being honest in its explanations and that the path it has chosen to take, while involving some tradeoffs, ultimately is the right one.

In case you’ve forgotten (or, if you never actually knew it, because you are missing part of your brain, which you probably are if you think Apple is wrong on this one) — at the end of the day Apple is a company, not a charitable organization. As such it has every right to do what it considers to be in its own best interest.

Even so, for the sake of argument, let’s consider only what Apple is doing from the perspective of the end user. Do customers benefit from what Apple is doing? In the short term, maybe not. But long term, absolutely. Because by putting up with what Apple is doing now, customers are helping to ensure that Apple stays in business and that its competitors die. That, more than anything else, is the reason to continue buying Apple products. I don’t see how anyone argues with the logic here.

Also remember — Apple didn’t start this fight. Apple, in fact, is the victim. What’s at stake here is that Apple’s competitors want to put Apple out of business. Ergo, Apple must kill them before they kill Apple. And we, as customers, must help Apple kill them.

Remember, Apple is good. And Apple is right.

Apple did not pay me to say this. They did not need to. I would say it, and will say it — nay, indeed, I would shout it from the rooftops, for as long as I live: Apple is right, and if you believe otherwise, then you are a stupid moronic imbecile who simply doesn’t understand this as well as I do, because you are a developmentally impaired shit-for-brains simpleton and I am not.

Also, Apple just sold 10 million iPads in less than two weeks, and OS X Snow Leopard is the top-selling operating system on Amazon for the 125th straight week, so you tell me who’s right and who’s wrong. Yeah. I thought so. You’ve just been destroyed. Crushed. Embarrassed and humiliated, ground to dust under the heel of my boot. Be gone now, you Windows loving FUD machine. You ugly Apple hating troll. You porn-loving Android user, pleasuring yourself with your Nexus One.

Also: Comments are turned off, so if you really need to vent, go put your head between your legs and scream into your asshole. Buh-bye.