It was our private investigators, not us. And they didn’t break in. They just tried to. Actually what happened is they showed up and attempted to intimidate the kid into letting them search through his stuff. Perfectly legal. Perfectly acceptable behavior. There is no law, in California or anywhere else, that says it’s a crime to go to someone’s home and ask them to invite you inside and let you look through their stuff. There just isn’t. Hell, Jehovah’s Witnesses do this all the time. Except for the part about searching through your stuff. But why quibble over details.

Wired.com broke the story. And sure, what they’ve written is correct. Nevertheless we are demanding that they take it down, and if they won’t, we are threatening to reject all Conde Nast apps from the App Store, and to never let anyone from Wired come sit at my feet and ask me fawning questions and write down my phony scripted answers, ever again.

We’re pretty sure they’ll see the light on this.

Meanwhile, for now we’re asking John Gruber to ignore this story and simply pretend he hasn’t seen it or heard about it, and so far he seems to be complying. That’s for now anyway. Katie and her team are working on a version of the “Apple’s goons trying to get into some guy’s house” story that makes us look like the good guys.

We’ll have our side of the story up on Daring Fireball as soon as we can finish thinking it up. Stay tuned.