The university has canceled plans to move everyone onto Gmail and other Google Apps, after computer science professors warned them (a) Google can’t keep its own stuff secure, let alone yours, as the recent shitstorm with the Chinese demonstrated; and (b) Google is evil. Bite a dick, Eric. And by the way, the Gizmodo guys hired a body language expert who says you’re scared shitless of me. Which you should be, because I’m a third-degree black belt in tai chi and if I wanted to I could karate chop through your ribs and tear your heart out of your chest cavity and eat it while you watched. And have I mentioned my nanoengineered liver?

Sleep with one eye open, you big pussy.