Do not believe reports about multitasking in iPhone OS 4.0

Much has been made about some blog report claiming we’re about to add multitasking to our iPhone OS. It’s all sourced to “people with a proven track record of predicting Apple’s technological advances.” Supposedly the way we’re going to do that is that “Apple plans to deliver a multi-tasking manager that leverages interface technology already bundled with its Mac OS X operating system.” A few thoughts:

1. Do you have any fucking idea what that last sentence means? Because I don’t. Does it sound like the kind of thing our engineers might make up some night when they’re all getting drunk and then “leak” to some person with a “proven track record” of not being able to keep a fucking secret?

2. Did anyone else notice that after claiming we are going to add multitasking to the OS, the article goes on to explain all the very very very good reasons why we don’t have multitasking there now? Like, games are better. Battery life is better. And, my favorite: “The iPhone OS is intended to create mobile devices that are easy to use, not just small versions of the complex PC model of the 1990s.” Which is true. Extremely true. And somehow now we’ve changed our minds about that?

3. Do you fucking people have nothing better to do with your lives than worry what we may or may not do with some future version of iPhone? Really? This is what you sit around doing? Sneaking around trying to pry out weird bits of information about what might happen in the next version of an operating system for a phone? And then debating them on blogs and comment strings and calling each other names and trying to claim bragging rights for being the best at predicting future Apple features? Listen to me: You need to get a life. Find some woods, and go for a walk. Go to the gym. Read a good book. Go volunteer at a food bank or homeless shelter. Go join a protest about health care. But sweet mother of Jesus stop worrying about your fucking iPhone, okay? Repeat after me: It’s just a phone. Regain some perspective, you big weenie losers.