“Fantastic effects, but come on, my dude, this isn’t going to get shown in Iran with a bunch of naked blue women running around in a jungle. Beyond that, the story is so trite I couldn’t believe it. And this dialogue — don’t even get me started, my man. What the fuck with the script? Who wrote this shit? And, like, unobtainium? Hello? You couldn’t think of something better than that?”

Actually, it’s something about uranium.