All Things Digital’s Kara Swisher is all a-twitter.  Why?  She’ll be attending her very first El Jobso keynote.  She just doesn’t know what to do.  Kara, let me give you some advice.

Do not make direct eye contact with Dear Leader. Ever.

Avert your gaze if Dear Leader elects to favor you with a glance, or a casual chuckle to indicate you know nothing.  Because compared to him………you don’t.

No sudden movements.

Only speak if spoken to.

Do not yell out “boom” or “one more thing.”

Do not wear a black turtle, jeans, and New Balance 993’s.

Do not carry a Dell laptop into The Event. Or anything with “Vista” on it.

If Moshe asks for your ID, give it to him.  Don’t think twice- he gets nervous quickly.

Don’t bug Katie. She’ll let you know if it’s OK to speak with her.  Requests should be submitted two weeks in advance.

Use the greeting “Namaste.” It is commonly accompanied by a slight bow made with hands pressed together.

At the conclusion of The Event, you may leave only once Dear Leader has departed.

Talking points for your review will be arriving in your in-box at event’s end.  Please follow them explicitly…for your protection.