I’m trying to remember how many times Eric swore to me that Google would never make a phone

Ever read a book called “What Makes Sammy Run?” about the world’s biggest scumbag, a Hollywood schemer named Sammy Glick? Well, Sammy Glick had nothing on Eric Schmidt. I’m still kind of stunned because the guy just called me to talk about Nexus One and he’s acting like there’s no problem. Or maybe he knows there’s a problem and he’s just calling to see what I’ll say, like he’s daring me to call him on out on this, because honestly that is the kind of sick sadistic twisted little fuck he is. He’s got zero shame. None. Zero.

And I know I should just be all cool and say nothing about any of that and just pretend I’m busy and don’t have time to chat, but somehow this sleazy fucker gets to me and I just lose my Zen and start giving him shit.

I’m like, Dude, do you not remember all that stuff you told me about not making a phone, back when you were still not recusing yourself from iPhone discussions during board meetings? You swore, and I mean you looked me in the eye and swore, that you would never make a phone. He says, We’re not making a phone. HTC is making it.

I told him if he wanted to use that line on the retards in the hackery that’s one thing but please don’t insult me with it. He goes, Okay, it’s our phone. But we’re just trying to give consumers more choice and grow the ecosystem by forming strategic partnerships and enhancing the value of the user experience by promoting openness and innovation to create solutions that better address user needs because at the end of the day Google’s mission is to organize the world’s information and make it universally accessible and useful.

I’m like, What did you just say? He goes, I have no idea. I’m reading it from a card here on my desk.

So I ask him what about all the crap he told me about how they weren’t ever going to build a phone, and he says, At the time I made those statements, they were true. I wasn’t lying.

This is how Eric talks. It’s amazing.

Google isn’t just trying to screw us, they’re also screwing every company that has licensed Android. Think about Motorola. They’ve hardly got the Droid out the door and now, bam! You guys come along and blow it out of the water. Yes, Motorola sent a guy to the Nexus One press conference. You know why? Because Motorola expected to get hit with questions, and they needed to put someone up there to put a brave face on it. It’s called jumping on a grenade. You may have noticed that the Motorola guy was “delayed in traffic.” Right. Secretly, or actually not so secretly, the guys at Motorola are apeshit crazy pissed off at Google right now. They’re also plenty mad at themselves, or they should be. Because it’s just now dawning on them what a huge mistake they’ve made. They’ve bet their future on a company that they can’t trust. A company that will gladly stab them in the back.

I was talking to Phil Schiller about this and he pointed out that even Microsoft never was brazen enough to pull something like this. Even Microsoft had some tiny bit of shame. Google is a different beast altogether. They’re like nothing anyone has ever seen in our business. Not only are they not ashamed — they think they’re the good guys!

It boggles the mind. They’re pure sociopaths.

All this stuff about not being evil? And being open, and transparent? All this crap about how they think everyone should just share all the information in the world? Yeah. Except you don’t see them sharing their search algorithms, do you? You don’t see them sharing the stuff they’ve done to Linux in their data center.

While I’m ranting, what the fuck is up with Andy Rubin and his “I’m a poor man’s Steve Jobs” routine? With the black shirt and the hair and the goofy glasses. We get it, Andy. You think you’re me. Even TechCrunch notices the resemblance. Big difference is that I pull it off and make it look effortless, while with Andy you can see him trying.

You suck, Google. You totally suck, and worse yet, you’re not as smart as you think. Because all this bad karma that you’re putting into the world? It comes back, my friends. Wait and see.

blog comments powered by Disqus