Armored convoy has left Cupertino

Just got word that a convoy of four armored SUVs has left campus. Three of the cars contain dummy prototypes, and one contains the real deal — two actual tablets, the first ones that have ever been released into the wild. Moshe (at left, holding rifle) assures me everything went smoothly. Snipers are in position on rooftops around Yerba Buena, and the building is being swept again this morning.

I’m already up in the city. I stayed here last night with my entourage — Kuso Sukatoro, my colonicist; Jennie Falcone, my spiritual advisor; BreezeAnne, my house manager; Ja’Red; Akira, my chef; and my Pilates instructor, Michael Peterson. We’ve got the top floor at an undisclosed location, and I made a point of going to bed early. But honestly, I couldn’t sleep. Which is okay. I feel fine. Better than fine. I feel alive. Someone just brought me a mango smoothie and I’m just so here, you know? Totally living in the present. Just here in the moment. Peace to all living things. Prepare to have the world as you know it utterly changed forever.