World leaders band together to condemn Operation Chokehold


We’re getting swamped with mail and phone calls from world readers anxious about the possible ramifications of Operation Chokehold. Apparently they’re all in Copenhagen, Sweden, and they’re supposed to be talking about climate change, but instead all they can talk about is Chokehold. They’re begging me to call off the protest, but I keep explaining to them that it’s out of my control — all I did was make up a joke, but then it spread on social networks and now it has taken on a life of its own. Sarkozy called me and he says the stunt could topple communications networks worldwide and possibly even threaten world peace. I’m like, Dude, what can I do? And by the way, how is Carla? Tell her I said hi, okay? We used to, um, well, we kind of hooked up once at a party at Eric Clapton’s house. Sarkozy’s like, Mon Dieu, not another one! Merde.