Enderle, perhaps on mushrooms, says people won’t buy “JewJew” tablet, and therefore Apple tablet is doomed

dj dynasty
Honestly, his latest column reads like something Tiger Woods dictated while he was high on Vicodin. For one thing: punctuation. Have you heard of it? I don’t know what TG Daily is, but apparently they don’t have anyone who can go through the copy and put in commas before it appears in print. For another: When you say that JooJoo “sounds way to close to JewJew with implications that could offend a wide variety of buyers,” um — yeah. I’m not going there.

But that’s not the big problem. The big problem is the logic. Enderle (photo above, at right, being scolded by DJ Dynasty Handbag) predicts that the JooJoo tablet (nee CrunchPad) will fail, which, okay– correct so far. But then he says the stink from Arrington’s stinkbomb will hover over the entire category, ergo no one will buy our tablet.

Apple is capable of doing the impossible but I’ve never seen anyone overcome this kind of problem without a lot of time between the failed product (so we forget) and the new, successful offering. I don’t think Apple has that time and that means that the Apple Tablet will be historic for two new reasons, either it will be the first major failure Apple has had this decade or Apple will have accomplished the impossible.

All I can tell you is that sometimes analysts reveal too much about their own biases, and that usually this happens when they start talking about what they think “might happen,” or “could happen,” or when they write about what they’re “worried about.” Usually they’re engaging in a kind of projection and really what they mean is that this is what they hope will happen. That is definitely the case here. Basically, Enderle hates us. I’m not sure if that’s because the Borg pays him to say crazy things or he just loves the Borg for no good reason. Note the way he describes the iPod as a knockoff of a Creative Labs product and says the iPhone was simply a warmed-over candy bar phone (!) and that these products only succeeded because we engaged in a kind of culture-wide mind control. This is a guy who once compared iPhone 3G to Vista. He also once predicted that everyone would be dropping their iPhone and breaking the glass and getting angry, and that we would get hit with class-action suits because kids would buy iPhone and try to text on it and then they would get killed in car crashes:

“One of these children is going to end up in someone’s trunk,” he said. “Often it’s the vendor that’s held accountable.”

There’s more. Lots more. But I can’t bring myself to go finding all the hateful quotes and wrong predictions. All I can say is, Ooo weee T’Shane!