He's texting how hard it is to text while driving

It’s dangerous, people. You’ve seen the gory videos,

15 Down - E A R L Y G R A V E

and it is enough of a menace it is now illegal or before several state legislatures and city councils. But c’mon, droogies, common sense, okay? It’s bad enough

you’re doing the NYTimes crossword,

and she has other talents ... OTHER TALENTS!

sipping your Starbucks latte,

nicotine nukes your nads, nerd!

suckin’ on your funky cigarettes,

not all suffered lifelong constipation

listenin’ to freakin Imus or other talking head road rage-a-holics, now you gotta’ text somebody

$20 extra attachment tongues your fundament

that your plug-in ‘lectric mouth you got from eBay last night is making your morning commute that much more bearable? Too much information … and you’re a UXB waiting to create mayhem. Look, people, play some relaxation sounds on the stereo, deal with the commute and we’ll all get thru this life in one piece and in peace.

Namaste, y’awl!

UPDATE: Dear Leader just phoned in  … wow … I’m all aquiver … and has noticed how the pink object above bears a remarkable resemblance to this not-a-writer-or-whatever-the-heck-he-says-he-isn’t-this-week type guy.

CLOSE ENOUGH, I'D SAY!