“Because seriously, my dude, you are going to cripple the entire economy of the Great Satan with one simple stroke. It’s genius! How did this escape our attention? I guess because here in Waziristan we’ve all got iPhones but we’re not locked into any single carrier — we can just choose whichever carrier and plan best fits our need. And the coverage is spectacular on all of them, Allah be praised. Anyway, we’re all just totally happy with our iPhones. Love the app store, too, by the way, though I do think your approval process is a bit draconian. Little bit of advice — you’ve done a great job so far, but you have to be careful not to drive people away. Some of our younger dudes are using Droids. They’re loving the openness and hackability. Just saying. Word to the wise and all that.”