Sad losers forced to oscillate wildly in Borg retail store

I’ll be honest. Some people around here got a little bit worried when the Borg came out with total knock-offs of our retail stores. But not me. Why? Because I know the Borg. And I knew that no matter how cool those stores might look, no matter how closely the Borg copied us, they would somehow find a way to fuck the whole thing up. Sure enough, from Dear Reader John L. comes this incredibly embarrassing footage from the Borg outlet in Mission Viejo, Calif., where human beings are being forced to humiliate themselves in order to keep their pathetic minimum-wage jobs.

A few notes:

1. Mr. Blue: Some people in the store need to move up to a larger shirt size. Ahem.

2. Mr. Yellow: Ditto on the shirt size, but also: Try not to look like you’re being forced to do this at gunpoint. It’s supposed to be a spontaneous expression of pure glee, geddit? Remember what we talked about in rehearsal? Now clap those fucking hands and smile, bitch!

4. Mr. Red: Same as above re: shirt size, but also: Aren’t you Cesar Rosas of Los Lobos? Why are you working in a store at the mall? Are things that bad?

5. Miss Green: The Eighties called, and they want their two-tone jeans back. Note to all: Acid-wash is not appropriate work attire. Even if you work for Microsoft. Sorry.

6. To all: When you’re dancing in public, and everyone around you is ignoring you and trying to pretend it’s not happening, that’s not a good sign. Just saying.

7. Finally: Best Buy is hiring. They don’t make you dance. Think about it.

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