Behold the splendid market share information above which comes from a new Gartner report. We are crushing it! We’ve gained 5 points of share in the past year. Now, I know what you’re thinking. RIM gained share too. In fact they’re now 4 points ahead of us, while last year they were only 3 points ahead of us. Forget that! Don’t look at those numbers! You have to step back and look at the big picture — I mean, literally, you should get up from your desk and stand back a few feet and then squint your eyes until the chart itself becomes kind of blurry. Now do you see it? Yes!

Also consider this; RIM is selling something like 10 goddamn different models. And they’ve been in this market since 2002. That’s eight years. We’ve been in the market for two and a half years and we’ve got one model. One. And even so we’re practically neck and neck with them. Better yet, we’re making more money than they are. John P. of AllThingsD gives us props for our performance, and you know what? Right back atcha, John P, you man-god.

My God we are good. I mean, we are really, really good. Someone should build a statue of me. I’m going to call facilities and get them on it right away. Peace out.