Larry has a lame-ass aluminum car and he thinks he’s so cool

And now, for only $4,500, you can buy a limited-edition book that tells the story of how they built Larry’s super-dooper special rich guy race car entirely out of aluminum. The book itself sports an aluminum cover. Groan.

From the book’s introduction:

Later, in the spring of 2006, Larry called. He was determined to commission a unique car but didn’t quite know what he wanted. The conversation drifted: Chopin Polonaises, Mountain Gorilla protection in Rwanda, sailing, the War on Terror, his love of classical guitar.

Let me tell you something. Larry does like classical guitar. And he does like sailing. But that bit about protecting gorillas in Rwanda? Um, no. Hunting them, maybe. Making videos of them having sex, maybe. And the stuff about the Chopin polonaise? Please. Larry doesn’t know polonaise from mayonnaise. But if you told him you had some polonaise, and that it cost a million bucks for a tiny bottle, and hardly anyone in the world could get their hands on it because there was only one chef in the whole world that made it and he worked out of this little kitchen in a remote village in the French Alps and to get there you had to ride a donkey to the top of a mountain — well, he’d be all over that. He’d buy up every bottle you could get him, and then he’d buy a special custom-made refrigerator from some company in Japan and he’d use that refrigerator just to store his fancy pants polonaise spread.

Yeah. Like I told him when I saw the aluminum car, Why don’t you just put on a big red wig and red rubber nose and a clown suit and drive around town in a Volkswagen Beetle with the top down? Seriously, dude. Buy yourself a nice Mercedes, in silver, loaded up with all the extras, and just be done with it.