Clarification: It’s not that we don’t like smokers

It’s that we don’t like poor people. And smokers just happen to be a really good proxy for poor people. And yes, we intentionally try to drive them away by giving them really bad service. I know what you’re thinking: Do companies really do this? Well, friend, they do if they care about protecting their brand.

Two-word example: Helly Hansen, which used to be a decent maker of outdoorwear but then got taken over by rappers. Another example: Burberry and the chavs.

You know who else we try to keep away? The elderly. If we get a machine in that has that “old people” smell, we’ll totally invent some really stupid reason why we won’t honor the warranty. The more stupid the reason, the better. We want those old fuckers to get pissed. It totally works, too.