I just called Fester to congratulate him on the look of his new stores

I’m like, No really, where on earth did you come up with the look and feel of these stores? I’ve never seen anything like it before in my life.

He’s like, Ha ha. Well, I like to think of it as an homage.

And I’m like, Oh, is that French for stealing?

He goes, Hey, good one. You mean like what you guys did with Xerox Star?

I go, No, I mean what you guys did with Windows.

He goes, Oh, you mean, take what you did and make it better? Or take what you did and make it popular?

I go, Just the take what we did part.

He says, Hey, it’s how we roll. It’s how we do. We watch, we learn, we improve.

I go, Sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

He goes, Bitch, please. You’re the one who said, Good artists borrow, great artists steal, right?

I go, Actually it was Picasso.

He goes, Well, you can’t sue us. We looked into it. We made it just different enough. And anyway you stole the look from the Gap. Or J. Crew. So don’t act like you invented it.

I go, You’re out of your mind, aren’t you?

He goes, Totally. But anyway, you can’t patent the way a store looks. Seriously, we had the lawyers check it out. And our stores have video walls. Totally different from yours.

I go, Yeah, and your retail people are all fat and stupid looking, whereas we hire slender, attractive, artsy people.

He says, Hey, you play to your base.

I’m like, Right on.

He’s like, Are we done?

I go, I think so.

He goes, Okay, so hang up.

I go, No, you hang up.

He goes, No, you.

I just sit there. I say nothing.

He goes, You still there?

I go, Yup.

He goes, Okay, let’s count to three and hang up at the same time.

I go, Fuck that. You hang up.

He goes, Nope. You.

So I did it. God I hate you Fester. I fucking hate hate hate you. And the following video makes me sick.