No way in hell are we letting these porntards onto the App Store

So I’ve been getting all sorts of email today from people saying they’ve seen stories about some new iPhone app called “Fap Mapper” that lets guys document places where they’ve had sex. I have one word on this: No way.

So people are sending me stories like this, which I guess was based on this press release (caution: NSFW) from a porno studio called Pink Visual which claims, “At the moment, the only mobile device supported by the FapMapper is the iPhone, but Kysar said that support for additional devices is coming soon.”

Um, yeah. I mean, no. At first I thought the whole thing was maybe an elaborate prank cooked up by Woz. I still think it might be. But just for the record, let me be clear about this: We’re not going to be doing business with a company that makes films with titles like, “Memoirs of a Gusher,” “Teens for Cash,” and “Brazen and Unshaven.” We’re just not.

UPDATE: Larry just called and begged me to reconsider. He’s like, “Dude, these are the guys who made Asian Parade and the Asian Slut Invasion series. They’re awesome!” Well, I’m sorry, Larry. But no.