Brian Lam of Gizmodo reported we’re talking to publishing companies about the God Tablet. Josh Quittner of Time magazine says no way. Obviously I know who’s right, but will I tell?

Of course I won’t tell, and fuck you for asking. Fuck you, in fact, for wanting to know. When I’m ready to tell you, I’ll tell you. I will say that Quittner, who is someone I respect and admire, maybe isn’t seeing the entire picture here. Quittner says that his sources are telling him something different than what Brian’s sources are telling Brian. Guess what? I bet if you asked our old pal Gruber, he’d tell you his sources are telling him something else altogether. And the nice folks at iLounge are hearing yet another version of the story, in which we’ve designed three prototypes and one has a 7-inch screen and another has a 10.7-inch screen and we’re planning to announce it in January but it still hasn’t had final approval from Dear Leader.

Little info here, guys: We’re fucking with you. Okay? None of you has it right. I’m sorry. But you make it so goddamn easy, and we just can’t resist.