Ask a dictator

The latest from my friend Vladimir Putin:

Childrens Playing with Matches

Dearest Styopa,

Spoiled childrens at Google bring attention to updates of Spreadsheet which are adding script feature. Google illustrates new feature with example of expense report:

I am knowing many peoples look at such are thinking, “Why hotel is costing three times airplane ticket?” “Why beverages costing twice food?” “Why amounts divisible by 100?” But I am not accountant. I am President of Russia. I cannot be concerned with such tiny, quibbling details. No, I am wondering why first item is “Fireworks.” Is not even Russia Day! Is curious, yes?

Later I am reading about fire happening at Google London “barbecue.” Fortunately, no one is reported hurt. Perhaps fireman is made ravenous by smell of burning meats, but no one is being hurt.

Even more curious! Google expense report “example” from before fire is showing meats of barbecue, fireworks, and flight to London! Perhaps fire of Google London office is not fault of greasy British beef?

Later I am reading about Google buying giant lens to melt metals and burn foods in parking lot. Fire, as recreational activity!

In Russia we are paying attention to childrens with unhealthy interest in setting fires…. Time to pay attention, America!