Yes, it’s true. The ingrates at a store in Lynnwood, Washington (not far from Redmond — coincidence? We report, you decide) are threatening to walk out to protest the “abusive” working conditions at their clean, well-lighted Apple retail shrine, which, let’s be honest, is about a hundred times nicer than the houses and apartments these loser live in.

Frankly my feeling is they should consider themselves lucky to be able to spend so much time in my gleaming emporium. In fact, they should be paying me. But Ron Johnson says that’s not legal. Well, there’s nothing we can do to stop them from walking out. Except I’d like to remind you all that if you walk out, you don’t walk back in. That’s right. You’re all fired. Just like Nixon and those air-traffic controllers. I’m serious, people. You do not tug on Superman’s cape, as Bob Dylan once sang. You don’t like working at the Apple store? Fine. Goodbye. Have fun over at Best Buy.