So Kara Swisher calls

And she’s like, Look, you need Boomtown on your board, and I know you don’t like journalists but the truth is Boomtown doesn’t really think of itself as a journalist, even though Boomtown is widely acknowledged as the leading journalist in tech and breaks more scoops than a drunk-on-power Keebler elf with hands made of cement. In fact what Boomtown is is more of a consultant-slash-advisor to leading tech CEOs, and frankly, as you can tell if you read Boomtown, Boomtown pretty much knows more about how to do their jobs than they do. Boomtown has advised Jerry Yang at Yahoo, and more recently Boomtown has worked with Carol Bartz, advising her on how to transition into the leadership role there. Carol and Boomtown have a great relationship and have had some really frank conversations. Just a couple months ago, Boomtown was pressing Carol on some key issues and apparently struck a nerve — because one of Boomtown’s strongest strengths, other than breaking news several minutes before it’s announced in official company press releases and referring to herself in the third person, is the ability to zero in on the single problem that’s holding everyone back, the thing nobody else has seen yet because they don’t have Boomtown’s years of experience, and, frankly, they’re just not as smart as Boomtown. But anyway Boomtown zeroed in on Carol and she turned to Boomtown and said, “Fuck you.” Which frankly Boomtown considered a huge personal triumph and a validation of its genius. And you know what? Soon after that, Carol realized that Boomtown had been right, and she called Boomtown to tell Boomtown that Boomtown’s tough medicine is indeed very tough but also very necessary. Boomtown also has worked closely with Steve Ballmer, and before that with Bill Gates, who often needed Boomtown’s help understanding some of the more complicated technical issues, like the difference between AJAX and Java. Bezos? Glaser? Palmisano? Immelt? Close personal friends, who all frequently call Boomtown for advice. Plus, you may or may not know this, but Boomtown’s wife is a big shot at Google, so if you ever want to know what’s going on over there, or maybe get a little payback on Schmidt, you’ll want to consult Boomtown, which always has the official Google party line on any topic, gleaned from play-dates and Sunday brunches. Plus, Boomtown’s years of experience and close personal connections with a tight network of Valley insiders makes Boomtown uniquely qualified to serve on your board and work closely with you in developing forward-looking strategies. I’m Boomtown, bitch. Call me.