Nothing to worry about, but I’m taking some time off

Folks, just for the record, I’m feeling great, never better, and you know that’s true because Apple always tells the truth and we’re the most transparent, forthcoming, open and honest company in the world.

Nevertheless, despite the fact that I’m in extremely good health, it’s been suggested to me that I might take some time off this summer and focus on myself for a change. You know — do some yoga, take a calligraphy class, put on some weight. Katie says I’ve been working too hard and I owe it to myself to recharge my batteries and we’ll all be better off if I come back in the fall feeling refreshed and ready for the next big inflection point, whatever that may be.

I was like, Katie, my darling, I can give up running Apple and Disney, I can give up my domination of the music and cell phone industries — but what about my blog? What about my dear readers? These people depend on me. They need me, Katie.

She said no problem, she’d already taken care of that and she’s lined up a great bunch of guest bloggers who are eager to fill in for me over the summer. Big names. People like Jerry Yang, Jony Ive, Mark Zuckerberg, Carl Icahn, J. Allard, Walt Mossberg, Robert Scoble, Jonathan Schwartz. Heavy hitters.

So Katie will manage the blog and bring in the guest bloggers and look after Iulia and Natasha, the interns in Krasnodar. I’ll be zooming off with the Jobs Fam and a full entourage (Jennie Falcone, my journeywork consultant; Peter Michelson, my personal trainer; Zak, my nutritionist; Annalisa, my beard colorist; Breezeann, our house manager; Zephyr Carlin, my calligraphy teacher and power t’ai chi instructor; Ja’Red, my awesome right-hand man; Dainin, my roshi) to a remote location in the South Pacific for some much-needed rest and relaxation and spiritual work though I may also be jetting back to Cupertino now and again. Even when I’m away I’ll have access to voice mail and email, so please stay in touch. I’ll also pop in to the blog occasionally to see what’s happening in the world of tech. Heck, I might even post an item once in a while if the mood strikes me.

I know you’ll miss me. I’ll miss you too. Not really, but that’s what I’m supposed to say, right? Ha! I’m joking. I really will miss you. Honestly. It’s just I’m no good at goodbyes. And despite my gruff exterior, the truth is that deep down I’m a gentle soul and, worse yet, a sentimental old fool. It’s true.

Stay hungry, my friends. Stay foolish. I love you all. I really do. I’m super-excited about the fact that I’ve been able to change the world and restore a sense of childlike wonder to your empty, meaningless lives. I honor the place where your disposable income and my sleek, gorgeous, super-exciting products have become one, and I wish you peace and happiness and all the joy in the world — oh Christ now I’m crying. Dammit! Will someone please get in here with a box of Kleenex?

Okay. I’m okay. So look. To keep you from getting lonely, I’ve published the photo above so you can print it out and keep it on your desk and gaze at it while reciting our mantra — Steve is fine, Steve is God; Steve is fine, Steve is God — and you’ll be able to keep yourself hypnotized until I get back.

But now I really must run. The Jobs Jet is fueled up and ready for takeoff, and Ja’Red just got here with my fifteenth wheat germ protein shake of the day. Namaste to you all. Much love. Peace out.