I didn’t even know we had Ron Burkle on our board

“Activist investor” (read: dirtbag) Eric Jackson, the guy who has been a thorn in my side for more than a year, says he loves Carl Icahn but realizes some big shareholders might not love the idea of Carl trying to run a tech company (gee, ya think?) so he’s suggesting a compromise where big shareholders would vote out only part of our board and keep the rest so there will be some continuity. Money quote: “I am putting forward this `Third Option’ because I fear several large shareholders will worry about the operational abilities of Icahn and his team.”

Eric, that’s the first intelligent thing I’ve ever heard you say. Letting Carl Icahn run a company would be like letting Charles Manson run a day care center. Nevertheless, I’m still giving you the patented Jerry Yang Scowl, because I’m smart and you’re dumb and I’m so bored from hearing you yapping and yapping and saying the same thing day in and day out.

The part that I can’t fathom is this where Jackson says he wants to get rid of Roy Bostock, Eric Hippeau, Art Kern and Ron Burkle. I called up Roy and I was like, Roy, we don’t have Ron Burkle on our board, do we? He’s like, Yeah, sure we do, he’s been on the board since 2001. I’m like, Has he ever been to meeting? Have I ever met him? Roy says he thinks maybe Ron might have come to a meeting one time but he’s not sure if I was at that one. I’m like, So if he never comes to meetings why do we have him on the board? Roy says it’s because Burkle is best pals with Bill Clinton and it doesn’t hurt to have friends in high places.

Lot of good Bill Clinton did me when those dicks in Congress were searing my backside over those Chinese dissidents and calling me a disgrace. Roy says if not for Burkle and Bubba things could have been a heck of a lot worse back then.

Anyway, whatever. Throw out Burkle, or keep him. I don’t care. Personally I’m halfway tempted to just let these idiots like Jackson and Icahn take the place over and watch them mess the whole thing up.