Did you see it? Were you watching? Were you there? People, word up. That. Just. Happened. A faster, better iPhone, for as little as 200 bucks. Yeah. You should have seen the faces in the crowd. For a moment they were all just sitting there with this glazed, worshipful, vaguely confused look on their faces. It was the same look Joan Baez had on her face the first time she slept with me, right after I finished — just this curious look like, Who are you? What planet do you come from? Why do I hear angels singing? How did you do that to my lady parts, you strange intense monkey man?

Then the crowd just burst into this ecstatic applause and started jumping around like the street crowd at one of David Blaine’s weirdo magic shows and saying stuff like, “No! No! You did NOT just DO that!” But I did. I totally did. And by the way, the secret agent thing with the metal briefcase? (Photo above.) Totally my idea.

Backstage, we were all pumped up and shouting and slapping fives, and Phil and I were bumping chests and going “Woof!” (it’s a thing we do) and Katie was all emotional and teary-eyed and she was like, “Steve, you are a truly unique and amazing human being, and once again I consider myself honored just to be able to stand here in your presence and bask in your superhuman aura, you delicious slender man-god you.”

July 11 is go time. But you can start lining up whenever you want.

FWIW, Phil just told me that my contempt for fanboys only makes them worship me more. Groan.