Dear David Pogue: I guess you won’t be needing a review unit then?

Surely you won’t even want to look at our gorgeous new miracle phone, right? Not after you penned a vicious hate piece about the shortcomings of the new iPhone and made a big deal of pointing out that unless you’re in a place where AT&T has 3G coverage you won’t actually see any better performance out of the new iPhone.

“Brokenhearted Apple watchers wasted no time in bemoaning all the missing features that remain unaddressed.” That’s what you wrote. Well, of course they bemoaned. I told you yesterday they would do that. They always do. You know why? Because they have no idea how products are made or how software is written. Because they know nothing — nothing — about technology. They think our headquarters in Cupertino is some kind of Willy Wonka chocolate factory and I’m Mr. Wonka himself and all I have to do is snap my fingers and dream up some new features (or just make a list based on fanboy email) and that’s it — just like that, the miracle products are brought to life.

Well, go ahead and keep bitching, but while you do that, let me just give you some perspective. We’re working our asses off down here. We’re balls out, rock-out-with-your-cock-out, 24 hours a day. We’ve got people working weekends, evenings, holidays. This new phone that you’re bitching about? This took years of people’s lives. Years. There are kids who didn’t have their parents at their ballgames and school plays and solstice holiday yoga celebrations because those parents were working on the v2 iPhone.

But yeah. Go ahead and complain about all the stuff that’s not there. Have at it. I will pray for your souls.