Confession: Sue Decker hits me, and I’m too ashamed to seek help

It’s true. It’s been going on for a while now, but lately it’s getting worse. I keep having to go into meetings and tell people I walked into a door. Some of them, I think, are starting to suspect the truth.

Worse yet, I have begun to suspect that Sue Decker is trying to push me out and take my job. Like the other day I came back from running some errands for Sergey and I found Sue in my office with an interior decorator. They both took off and Sue mumbled something about just looking for some new ideas. She’s also been dropping hints. Like yesterday she said, Jerry, why don’t you leave? I said it was only three in the afternoon and I never leave before four and she said, No, I mean leave. Like, for good. I gave her my patented Jerry Yang Scowl. She said, Jerry, the board fired you a week ago. I said, No they didn’t, they suggested I should step down, and I’ve commissioned a one-hundred-day study to review that suggestion.

Then she hit me. And now she’s doing this crazy reorg. Just because some dicks from McKinsey told her it was the thing to do. It’s what they always say when they can’t think of anything to say. When in doubt, reorg. Personally I think it’s the wrong move, and I told them so. My suggestion was that we announce that we’re taking one hundred and fifty days to review the organization and then think about how to reorganize. Then Sue hit me. Again.

Oh, she works it hard, with her cute little Meg Ryan look-alike thing. Trust me. It’s all an act. She’s an assassin in high heels.