Jerry Yang, village idiot

Says here that Jerry Yang is facing a shareholder rebellion and possible lawsuits for failing to make a deal with the Borg. Money quote: “Disillusioned shareholders are bound to question whether the rejection of Microsoft’s sweetened offer was driven more by emotion and ego than sound business sense.”

Um, yes they are. And for good reason. FWIW, Jerry called me last night. Crying. He’d been on the phone getting screamed at by Wall Street people. And by Yahoo employees who apparently are being really abusive. In men’s rooms all over the Yahoo campus a nasty new drawing is popping up, depicting Jerry Yang with his tongue hanging out, his legs pulled up and both thumbs firmly positioned in his ass.

Jerry’s like, Steve, dude, I know I can turn this company around. I just need a little more time. I’ve got it all mapped out. First we’ll do another 100-day review period to review our operations and re-review the review we did a few months ago; then we’ll have a 100-day listening period; then a 100-day period to digest what we’ve heard when we’re listening and incorporate that data into the data we gathered during our review; then a 100-day period to develop a new strategy; then a 100-day period to explain the new strategy to employees; then a 100-day period to reorg the company and start rolling out the foundations of the new strategy to maximize shareholder value and pursue ways to better leverage our opportunities in the still very young online advertising market where we continue to believe we are well-positioned with a unique strategy; then a 100-day period to finish the reorg and roll out the second half of the new strategy. I mean it’s pretty simple stuff.”

I’m like, Jerry, dude, I’m not very good at math and to be honest I kind of lost track of what you were saying because I put down the phone at one point so I could check myself out in the mirror, but I think that plan is going to take something like fifteen years, isn’t it?

He said no, it was only two or three years at most, and the Internet is still in its infancy, and blah blah blah …

So I cut him off, and I’m like, Jerry, hold on. Hold on. Stop. Listen to me. Jerry, you know what? It’s been great knowing you. Really it has. And I think you’re going to make a fantastic member of the Ex-Founders Club, alongside Woz and Paul Allen. I’m sure you’ll find ways to keep busy. Maybe you can do some creative investments. Build an electric car. Or a commercial spacecraft. Open a restaurant in Napa. Take up high-altitude ballooning.

He’s like, Steve, I don’t want to go ballooning, I want to keep running Yahoo. I’m like, Dude, I want to turn my house into a polygamous retreat with Gong Li and Scarlett Johansson as my new wives, but that wish ain’t gonna come true. And neither is yours. Sorry.

He was crying again when I hung up.

Much love and namaste to anyone who wants to Photoshop Jerry’s face onto that photo above. Bokay? Peace out.

UPDATE: Much love and a free fake 3G iPhone to Billy R. for the Jerry Yang dunce photo. Much love to all the others who sent in versions as well.