Open letter to Apple employees

Dear acolytes:
Tomorrow the Olympic torch will be carried through San Francisco. Many of you have expressed interest in disrupting this event. We share your outrage and so have declared tomorrow an official company holiday for those employees who wish to participate in protests. Please make arrangements with your supervisor or manager and be sure to check with our Protest Office for tips on staying safe when confronting the Chinese special forces and various assorted fascist pigs who will be helping them carry out this sickening display of oppression. The Protest Office also will provide you with an Apple hotline phone number for you to call in case of arrest. Our team of lawyers will be on hand with bail money to make your stay in jail as brief as possible. Ja’Red (above) will be leading a special flying squadron. Look for him tomorrow and follow him into battle. Free Tibet! Peace out.