Alley Insider creates Bubble 2.0 keepsake

Silicon Alley Insider has published “an index of the world’s most valuable digital startups.” See here. Basically it’s a list of pie-in-the-sky valuations for companies like Facebook and LinkedIn.

To make it fresh and dynamic, they somehow yoked these made-up numbers to the NASDAQ so their made-up numbers change into new made-up numbers all day long. That way all these little freaks working for worthless companies will click on that list all day long, like lab rats trying to get another hit of cocaine, thereby generating loads of stupid traffic for Alley Insider. And trust me, that’s the real point of this list. It’s a cheap ploy for ginning up traffic.

Money quote about the dynamic bullshit valuation changes: “This will tell you how much your stock options are worth right now,” they say.

Folks, if you’re working at any of these “digital startups” you really don’t need Henry Blodget’s Silicon Alley Insider index to tell you what your options are worth right now. I’ll tell you the answer right now. They’re worth nothing. That’s for most of you anyway. Because one day very soon this whole crazy mess is going to blow up and you’ll be looking for work at Starbucks again, just like you were after the last bubble burst.

My advice? Print out this crazy list and pin it to your wall and wait for the crash. Then you’ll have a wonderful keepsake by which to remember Bubble 2.0.

Because if there’s any sure sign that the end is near, it’s the fact that Henry Blodget is publishing an index with ridiculously high valuations for companies that don’t actually make products and don’t have revenues. What drives this ridiculous man? Why the obsessive need to hype and tout? Is he not satisfied to have played a starring role in the greatest financial mess of our lifetime? Now he needs to do it again? It’s like a real-life version of Groundhog Day. Or one of those rings of hell in Dante’s Inferno where people are condemned to keep performing the same sinful acts over and over again into eternity.

I’m told Henry Blodget is driven by a desire to redeem himself. I know what you’re wondering: If that’s the case why doesn’t he go do some kind of charitable work in the Third World instead of touting worthless stocks? (For the answer to that question, see the story of the scorpion and the frog.)